The Swans are Nesting

Happy VDay!

2012-02-14T19:10:00.000-05:00

Love Notes

2012-02-14T16:10:00.001-05:00

In honor of Valentine's Day, I wanted to spread some love.

To my husband, Mr. Cob: I love you with my whole heart. You take me for who I am and love me for all my flaws. I love laughing with you and learning how to parent with you. I love the person you are today and I adore the dad you are to our son. Thanks for being my valentine - 7 years and counting!

To my son, Lukas: I love your smile. You remind me to laugh and dance and enjoy the very moment I am in. You have brightened up my soul in ways I did not know where possible. I love teaching you new words and singing you silly songs. I love rocking you to sleep at night and snuggling with you each morning. I love being your momma.

To my momma: You are the best role model a woman could ask for. You have shown me how to be a mom and how to love unconditionally. I love the relationship we have developed. Thank you for all you do for me and my family and all those that you love.

To my daddy: I love watching you read with Lukas. It brings a smile to my face every time Lukas says "UP" and raises his hands in the air. I love that he runs up to you and asks you to pick him "up"! I love the way you've always supported me in everything I've ever done.

To my big brother: I love that I'm going to see you in just two and a half weeks!!! I love that you're following your dream of opening your own PT practice and that you're an amazing dad. You're the best big brother.

To my girlfriends (you know who you are): I love you girls. My life is better because I have you. Y'all make me feel sane and normal. I may not see some of you as often as I'd like, or talk to you as often as we should, but I love that I have so many amazing, loving, kind, thoughtful, strong and smart women in my life. I'm a lucky girl.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Valentine's Day filled with love. Be it romantic love, friend-love or family love. After all, love is all there is.

Post Addendum

2012-02-14T11:23:00.000-05:00

And this is the picture I meant to add to the last post - the girls post-hair-do-ing. A bit grainy, and not the best picture, but here we are

Also, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Love to all on this day of love.

Reaching Here

2012-02-13T16:40:00.001-05:00

Ok, so the feedback from the new buttons has had me all jazzed about posting more often and getting some more Love or Funnies (No Hate yet!?!). Problem is, I'm out of things to say. Well, I mean, I always have things to say, but I'm plum out of things to say that I think anyone wants to hear about. But then again, that's never stopped me before.

Here are the posts I have started writing in the past few days and then stopped for whatever reason:

1. I know that I shouldn't compare myself to other people, but I can't help it. Lately I feel like I'm comparing myself to others ALL. THE. TIME. And it's not good for my sanity. But yet, I still do. I stop at this point because the rest of this post just makes me sound like I'm whining and feeling inferior than everyone else, and nobody wants to hear that. So I'll end that woe-is-me post at that. At least this shows I'm not always Polly Positive.

2. I'm a much more sane person when I take time for myself. The past few weeks I've done that a lot. I went to Charleston with the girls two weekends ago and my soul was better for it. We laughed, we exercised, we even danced in the VIP section of some bar we were much too old to be in. It was an amazing trip (although, Lukas would disagree...). This weekend I continued taking some time out for me - my ATL girlfriends and I went and got our hair did at The Dry Bar Saturday morning, went to brunch and shopping afterwards and then had a group Valentines Day date night that evening. Mr. Cob and I sometimes talk about moving away from Atlanta, and then we think about how great our friends are here and realize they're irreplaceable. We really are lucky to have such great friends.

3. Apparently I get insomnia two hours after falling asleep if I drink more than two glasses of wine. A grandmother who does overnight babysitting with the little man is a necessity if momma wants a night out. Reason #452 we should never leave Atlanta.

4. Tomorrow Mr. Cob and I will celebrate our 7th Valentines Day together. I don't remember what I got him for our first V-day together, but he bought me pink bowling shoes and we went bowling. He gets me. The way to my heart is through shoes.

5. The little man said "apple" and "elephant" (well, sort of, kind of, you could get there, really) this weekend. Dude is going to start talking for real any day now.

For You Shy Readers

2012-02-09T14:42:00.001-05:00

Since y'all apparently don't like to comment, which I just don't understand. Why wouldn't you want people reading what you think? I clearly have no problem with this and keep stuffing my random ramblings down your throat. I realize this all assumes I have some readers, which maybe I don't. Anyone out there? If by chance someone is reading this, you may have noticed a new feature at the bottom of my posts - Reaction Buttons!!! This way you can show me the love without, you know, actually having to say anything.

So love it. Like it. Funny it. Or Dislike it.

Or comment. I like comments. I do.

Oh, and to update the virtual baby book that this blog doubles as, L had his 15 month check up today. He's 20th percentile for weight (22 pounds) - I actually was really happy because he's not quite as peanut-ish as he was at his year appointment. And he's 75th percentile for head and height. So he's still lean and long. Not a bad thing to be. I wish I could say I was lean and long. But at 5'3 and some change, no one has ever called me long. Not even with three inch heels on. Oh well, hopefully he got his daddy's height.

He's sitting steady with 12 teeth, extremely fair skin, blond hair (HAIR! YES, HE HAS HAIR NOW! He even has a mini-mullet!!!) and hazel eyes. Ten fingers and ten toes. And he can jump. His newest word is "yellow". Strange word, but we're hoping it means he's not color blind (did I mention he has a 50% shot at being color blind?!). But I'm still not convinced. And since this post is totally all over the place already, I'll add that his favorite thing to eat right now is blueberries and bananas. Not necessarily together. Although, many a mornings that's how he starts his day. And he's still overly obsessed with dogs.

Ok, I think this has been sufficiently random. Over and out.

Joyful

2012-02-08T21:37:00.001-05:00

It was a good day.

Whatever Momma

2012-02-07T13:36:00.001-05:00

So apparently 15 month olds can hold a grudge. And get mad. Like, R-E-A-L mad. At least my little dude can.

Imagine a momma who had been stretched extremely thin due to demanding work and lack of sleep. Said momma took a quick weekend getaway trip with some girlfriends leaving her little man at home. Her little man was spending the night at grandma's house the first night (i.e., getting spoiled and playing with all sorts of fun new toys that momma and dadda don't have) and then hanging with dadda until momma came home Sunday afternoon. Momma had an awesome time with her girls but was excited to see her little man Sunday afternoon. She could feel the anticipation building as each hour of the car ride went by. She couldn't wait to see his smiling face and hear his laugh. She was ready to open her arms wide for him to run up to hug her. And then they would snuggle and all would be right in the world.

Um, yea, no.

The reality: Dadda and little man are at the park when momma comes home. Momma drops her bags at the door and races down the street to meet dadda and her boy at the park, but then sees them coming down the street towards her. Little man is in the stroller (dadda, obvisouly is pushing said stroller). Momma starts running. Little man stares blankly at her. Momma figures he hasn't seen her yet. Little man continues blank stare. Momma is three feet from stroller. Still nothing. Dadda chimes in "you have your sunglasses on, he doesn't recognize you." Momma takes glasses off. Still, nothing. So momma walks over to the stroller to pick up the little guy.

Instant screaming.

And yelling and reaching for dadda. Momma gets tears in her eyes. Momma pushes stroller home while dadda holds baby who refuses to even look at momma.

Momma thinks she can win him over with cookies. More yelling, more tears, more hiding behind dadda. Dadda offers cookie, buddy takes it. Momma cries. Dadda tries to convince baby to go to momma. Nope. The little guy won't even sit next to momma on the couch. Dadda must be betwen them. Momma's heart feels like it is breaking. Baby is mad at momma. Baby is really mad. Momma fears he may not come near her again. Ever.

But then, a-ha. Light bulb! Momma remembers there is one thing that dadda doesn't have that momma does have. Momma has milk. Baby likes milk. Momma asks baby if he wants milk and makes the sign for milk. Baby starts crying a whimpered cry. Baby wants milk, but is still mad at momma. Baby finally, thirty minutes after momma gets home, goes to momma. Thank God this momma's got milk.

Momma now knows there is a cost to going away with the girls for the weekend.

Some News!

2012-02-02T11:29:00.004-05:00

I have some exciting news to share! No, no, not that kind of news. Can't a girl make an announcement and it not be about a baby?

This news is all about ME! I shared the news in our Christmas letter, but to be honest, the details weren't settled and the contract wasn't signed - but it is now. As of today I'm officially under contract to start writing for a great blog!

Later this month, I will have a post on the DrZandFriends blog. I'll be sure to let everyone know when it's posted, so you can check it out and leave some feedback/love on that blog!

I am really excited and flattered to be given this opportunity. Now, it's time to write, write, write!

A Year Later

2012-01-30T21:43:00.002-05:00

Today marks the 365th day that I've been back at work since my maternity leave ended. In many ways it is hard to believe a full year has passed. In others, it feels like yesterday that I cried my way to work that first day back. If I had my shit together enough, I'd do a comparison of Lukas then versus Lukas now. But the reality is, I haven't cracked open his baby book in months and he's changed in more ways than I could count. So instead, lets talk about me.

Here are the things that I would never have thought would be true about myself a year ago, but are in fact true:

1. I'm still breastfeeding Lukas. I tend to not make this fact known and avoid the topic if it comes up, or just fail to mention it. But I think I'm doing a disservice to other moms who are currently, or who are thinking about, nursing past the year mark. I really thought a year would be it. But then November 8th came and went, and nothing changed. I still wanted to continue and Lukas showed no signs of disinterest, so we continued. And to be honest, I don't have any plan about how long I'll keep nursing him. I've read a lot of research on nursing toddlers, mainly in an effort to arm myself against people who think its wrong, and I could give you the information I've learned, but I've come to the realization that I don't need to defend my decision. It's my decision. He's my son and it's working for us. And I'm not going to change what I'm doing based on other people's opinions. And for any moms out there with questions, I'm happy to talk more about it and think maybe it would help remove the stigma if more moms talked about it. From my own experience, I can say that I think the continued nursing has helped keep Lukas healthier - he's only had one "sick" visit to the pediatrician since he was born (almost 15 months now) and has somehow avoided almost all of the bugs that have hit his friends at daycare. And if his social development has been delayed because of my nursing him this long, then I don't really want to know what his non-delayed social development would be. He can be soothed in other ways than nursing, he can put himself to sleep without nursing, and he doesn't lift up my shirt in public demanding the boob. He doesn't take a pacifier or drink from a bottle. So far, I've seen zero negative effects from the "prolonged" nursing. And, apparently I'm more passionate about this than I even realized.

2. I like being a working mom. I don't particularly like the days when I get home after 7pm and only have 10 minutes with my little man, such as tonight. But most days are not like today. He is learning so much at baby school and he has fun with his little friends. Tonight, when Mr. Cob picked him up, Lukas saw Mr. Cob, smiled and then ran away from him and kept playing with his friends. He's happy. What more could I want? And for me, well, I really like having my cup of coffee in quiet. I enjoy the adult conversation I have on a daily basis with my co-workers. I like the challenging work and client interaction. I like getting dressed up in heels every day. I like that I worked hard for my degrees and am using them. (Lord knows I am still paying for them, so there's that too.) Also, one thing I have learned about myself is that I am much more efficient and productive when I have a full plate. And for me, I'm more present in whatever it is I'm doing, whether it be acting as "mom" or as "lawyer" or as "wife" or as "friend". I think being a working mom has helped me prioritize my life and approach it differently.

3. I don't envy stay at home moms - When I was on maternity leave, I did. I was jealous of moms who were able to stay home with their babies. But now, I see how hard it is to be a SAHM. You are expected to have a full time job (raising the children), while also keeping the house spotless, pack lunches, cook dinners, balance the checkbook, exercise, do all the laundry, etc. etc. And the reality is, when I'm home on the weekends with Lukas, he requires ALL of my, or Mr. Cob's, attention. There's little time to get anything else done unless he's napping. And quite frankly, when he's napping I really just want to sit my tired butt on the couch and do nothing. Since I'm not a SAHM, I feel like people are more forgiving about the house not always being clean, or the laundry not being folded. But it seems that SAHMs are expected to do it all and are judged if they're not. On the flip side, I do realize I miss out on some of those "moments" with the my little guy. But for me, for now, I don't want to trade in my briefcase for the SAHM gig.

4. The stretch marks don't bother me. I have stretch marks from my massive weight gain while pregnant. I didn't really notice them as they were happening (denial, perhaps?), but they're on my hips, legs and booty. I consider myself a somewhat vain person, but honestly, they don't both me at all. When I see them I smile because they make me remember being pregnant with Lukas. It's amazing what the female body can do and so what if I have a few reminders from growing a new person. I wasn't a model before the baby and I'm not a model now. A few stretch marks aren't anything to cry about, or obsess over. Now, I'm pretty sure I'll cry when my boobs deflate post-nursing, so I'm not totally over the vain-thing.

5. I have found my passion. I was meant to be a mother. I didn't know this until I had Lukas. In fact, before he was born I worried I would be a horrible mother. I didn't think I'd know how. I'd made enough dumb choices on my own over the years and was convinced I'd screw him up immediately, if not sooner. I also had a lot of inward discontentment because I felt as though I hadn't yet found that "thing" in life that I was meant to do. (No, no, lawyering never gave me that feeling.) But since having Lukas, I've realized that I am passionate about being a mother. There is nothing in my life that I have felt so comfortable doing or felt so happy doing. And since becoming a mother, all the other areas of my life have improved, and I have grown as a person. I am happy with the woman I have become. And I truly do feel joy every day. I attribute most of that to becoming a mom. It's the best thing in the world. At least for me.

Sunday Waffles

2012-01-29T09:23:00.003-05:00

We decided to try something new for breakfast this morning...they were a hit...

Hungry, Yes. But Hopping?

2012-01-23T21:16:00.002-05:00

It's been raining a lot in the ATL lately. A. Lot. And rain means one thing when you have a toddler at home. No outdoor playground time resulting in a rowdy kiddo who can't run around and burn off all their pent up energy.

But I recently found an indoor playground called Hippo Hop. I didn't realize hippos hopped. I mean, they're quite large and I imagine it'd be difficult to get that much mass off the ground at one time to jump. But, I'll buy it. Sure. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, Hippo Hop. It's essentially a big building with six or seven inflatable bounce/jump houses and a random assortment of surely germ-infested toys. You just kind of have to ignore the whole germ thing. As Mr. Cob says, it builds their immunities.

So, before we went to hop like hippos, I assumed that Lukas was too young to really enjoy the bounce houses. But I was wrong. He. Loved. It. He even loved when I accidentally double bounced him and he fell flat on his face after flying high into the air. I was waiting for the tears and he just rolled over and started laughing loudly. He's a dare devil, this one. The best part is that there is one bounce house dedicated to the little tyke crowd (3 and under). I had to play bad cop mom and kick a bunch of 5+ year olds out, but hey, I don't call him my "little" man for nothing - the kid could get trampled by a beefy 4 year old, never mind a wild 8 year old. Momma's gotta watch our for her little buddy.

If you have a wee one at home and haven't checked out one of these places, it's worth it. (And FYI, for you Atlanta mommas, I've been told that Monkey Joes in Roswell and Leaping Lizards in Decatur, are similar indoor bounce/playgrounds). Hippo Hop is only $5 ($3.75 if you buy a $30 prepaid card) a visit/kid (adults free!) with no time limit. I think that's pretty cheap for a rainy afternoon. Especially considering all the jumping wiped Lukas out and he took a good, long nap afterward. And what mom wouldn't pay a few bucks to ensure a few hours of quiet later in the day?!

10 on 10

2012-01-11T09:17:00.002-05:00

A day in the life? Sure, why not.

I ran across a blog yesterday that does something I think is kind of cool. It asks fellow bloggers to document thier day in pictures on the 10th of every month. It's simple:

One Photo. Every Hour. For 10 Hours. On the 10th.

So I thought it'd be fun to play along.

My January 10 on 10:

1:00 pm ish - lawyering

2:00 pm ish - tea time

3:00 pm ish - downtown ATL

4:00 pm ish - still working

5:00 pm ish - picking up L from baby school

6:00 pm - home with my boys before dinner

7:00 pm ish - bath time for the little one

8:00 pm ish - the pup gets some love

9:00 pm ish - board game & dessert with the husband

10 pm - My companion while reading in bed

Join the fun:

2012 Intentions

2012-01-10T09:32:00.000-05:00

You thought that since it was over a week since the new year and I hadn't yet written anything about resolutions then clearly I hadn't made any this year. Nope, not the case. I always make resolutions at the beginning of a new year. Some years they're more ambitious than others. And, usually I fall off the wagon around week 2 or 3. But I always make them. For one reason.

I. Love. Starting. A. New. Year.

I get really excited when January 1 rolls around each year. Magically, at the stroke of midnight on December 31/January 1, everything is wiped clean and you're given a fresh start. I know, I know, there's nothing "magical" or special about January 1 and if I really wanted to change things in my life, I could start on any random day of the year. The third Tuesday in May could be the first day of the rest of my life. But for me, I get all giddy about the first of January. And this year was no different.

I sat on the beach in Florida the morning of January 1st and wrote down my intentions for the year. I'm calling my resolutions "intentions" so that I don't feel like I've failed if I don't stick with them. This way, even if I veer off course, I can look back at my list and remember what I had set out to concentrate on this year and get back on the right path. With resolutions, when your resolve fades away, you can feel like you already failed so there's no sense in continuing with the resolutions. (Or is this just me?) I realize this might be silly, but here's to hoping I can keep my 2012 intentions at the forefront of my mind this year.

The reason I've delayed in writing this post is because I keep going back and forth on whether or not I feel like sharing my list with the ~~few family members who read this blog~~ world. But I figure why not.

So here is my list:

1. Eat more fruits and vegetables each day.
2. Make my marriage a priority (this sounds more complicated than the intention is. I promise, it's not - just take my word on this one...)
3. Detach from my cell phone/computer/facebook - be fully present in interactions with my family and friends
4. Make exercise a regular part of life - dance with Lukas, walk Wrigley, do a yoga DVD, run, etc. And don't feel defeated if I exercise for only a short period of time.
5. Live more frugally - cook meals, bring lunch to work, etc. (this coincides within intention #1 and has been a huge success so far thanks to the January meal plan Mr. Cob and I created, and have stuck to for 10 days!)
6. See love in everyone and express love in all actions - don't judge, don't assume
7. Stop searching for outward validation. I am amazing.

So there is the list. I could (and might) write a post about each intention and the background behind it. But for now, that's my list.

Here's to a fabulous 2012 filled with good intentions.

Photo Friday

2012-01-06T20:46:00.001-05:00

SOB, WAIL, QUACK?

2012-01-05T12:51:00.001-05:00

The little man has me wrapped around his finger.  He's teething right now, and he's using it against me. (He cut three of the four molars in the past two weeks and number 4 is about to bust through the surface any day now. So in his defense, he probably is in some pain.)

It all started about two weeks ago. He'd been biting friends at school (another post for another time), and I could feel the teeth under the gums, so I knew we were in for some new teeth. He started waking up in the middle of the night crying and instead of letting him crying himself back to sleep I told myself "Oh, he must have woken up because his teeth hurt. You simply cannot let him just cry in his crib. He needs his momma. He needs some TLC." And then, having convinced myself that he needs me, I go in his room and what do you know? He stops crying. (I told you he needed his momma. I'm deluded, yes.)

Things only got worse last week on vacation. We went to Florida with another couple and their 17 month old daughter to ring in the new year.  I was afraid Lukas would wake up the other baby with his sobs in the middle of the night, so I'd immediately pick him up when he started to cry at night.  He would eventually calm down after some cuddles, Advil and milk were administered. Oh, yea, and after he was allowed to fall asleep in the bed with us. Do you see the trend of bad habits I let form? This may or may not have happened four nights in a row. I won't admit to anything.

Well, the realization that he's just messing with me to get some cuddles and sleep in the big bed came to light this week. And it's my mom's friend Jaye's fault, really. You see, Jaye gave Lukas this soft, plush talking/quacking duck last Easter and it's been sitting on Lukas' bookshelf since then. Occasionally we'll get it down and play with it, but for a long time Lukas was terrified of the duck. But some time in the last few weeks he learned how to say DUCK and to quack and now he says duck all the time. And he now apparently loves the Jaye duck.

The reason I know he loves the duck? Because I am a fool. Tuesday night I woke up around 1:45am to Lukas' crying, screaming and jumping up and down in his crib. Having gone through the above-mentioned convincing myself that his teeth hurt, I went in his room to soothe my poor baby. I opened the door to his room and what was he doing? Pointing at the duck and saying "duck duck duck" over and over again.  He kept crying and yelling "duck" until we went over to the duck and I picked the duck up for him to hold. And then all was right in his world.  He just wanted to hold the duck. At 1:45 in the morning. Right.

This wouldn't be that bad, and you could call it a fluke, except that it happened again last night. Or I should say, I let it happen again. I was being tough at first and was going to wait him out. I let him cry a full 15 minutes. He would cry and then lay down for a second, get back up and cry some more. I figured that after 15 minutes of his cries (which increased in volume as the time wore on) he must really need something, so I went in there. He stopped crying and just smiled at me. And then, as if to say "gotcha" he just started yelling "DUCK, DUCK, DUCK" with this huge grin on his face.

And I did the only thing you can do at 2am when your 14 month old is quacking like a duck. I laughed and gave him a hug.

My new plan is to put the duck in his crib with him tonight, so that way he can just cuddle with the damn duck without waking momma up.

Mommas & Sons

2012-01-04T12:32:00.001-05:00

If you have a son, you should read this article posted on Team Studer (a random blog I ran across on facebook). I love the whole article and had tears welling up as I read. But I love the last "rule" the most. It made me full-on cry.

25. Be home base

You are home to him. When he learns to walk, he will wobble a few feet away from you and then come back, then wobble away a little farther and then come back. When he tries something new, he will look for your proud smile. When he learns to read, he will repeat the same book to you twenty times in a row, because you're the only one who will listen that many times. When he plays his sport, he will search for your face in the stands. When he is sick, he will call you. When he really messes up, he will call you. When he is grown and strong and tough and big and he feels like crying, he will come to you; because a man can cry in front of his mother without feeling self-conscious. Even when he grows up and has a new woman in his life and gets a new home, you are still his mother; home base, the ever constant, like the sun. Know that in your heart and everything else will fall into place.

This reminds me of the song I sing to Lukas every night before bed (the "Night Mantra") that says, I will be your home, I will be your guide, I will be your friend, always on your side.

I love being a mom to a little boy. I'm sure I'd love being a mom of a girl too. But Lord knows, I love this little guy more than words can express. This article just spoke to me and I felt like sharing.

Oh, and Happy 2012. It's going to be a great year. I just know it.

This is NOT an Announcement

2011-12-29T13:13:00.002-05:00

If you'll recall, a little over a month ago I wrote about how I am 100% not ready for another baby? Let me stop you right there and point you to the title of this post. And just so we're clear, I am not pregnant. For sure. Ok, so now that that's out of the way, back to me totally not being ready for another baby. Or so I thought. I now might be. Just maybe. Sort of.

Why the change in only 37 days? It's simple. My Christmas revolved around these two little guys playing together...

Lukas and his cousin Stu were so sweet together. They had crazy (and loud) dance parties, played with trucks, read books, ate lots of food and just played and played. Stu was so protective of his little cousin - putting his hand on his back as they'd walk down the hall, giving him toys and following Lukas around the house. And Lukas loved his cousin just as much, if not more.

It was one of the best Christmases I can recall. And after watching them play together, I now kind of want another kiddo. Kind of.

Or to move to California so that Lukas and Stuie can play together all the time...

Mr. Cob's 2011 Christmas Letter

2011-12-25T11:16:00.000-05:00

[BACKGROUND: For the past four years, Mr. Cob and I have sent out a Christmas letter and picture to our friends and family. This year was no different. The letter is always filled with footnotes - it's Mr. Cob's signature style. After a request to post it for those not on our "official" Christmas card list, I decided to share it with my loyal readers. I hope you've had a wonderful Christmas, and spending time with your family. This year has been especially joyous for me. Seeing Lukas and my nephew play and dance together has been the highlight of my year. Without further ado, the letter...]

Dearest Family and Friends:

Hello this is the Swans sending you season’s greetings and yet another letter filled almost entirely with fabrications and half-truths.(1) In our last episode, Lukas had just been born (November), and Mrs. Swan and Mr. Cob… well to be honest, last year Lukas was born. That’s about it really.(2) If you are even marginally competent at math, you will realize that this year’s letter will mostly focus on the first year of Lukas’ life, or as doctor’s call it “his first year.”

So let’s get some of the housekeeping out of the way. Mrs. Swan went back to work at [insert law firm name] at the end of January where she continues her banking/public finance work. When she isn’t being the most amazing mom in Atlanta, she is busy with her great girlfriends and continuing her blog,(3) and starting in January, she will be doing a monthly blog post at the parenting website “Dr. Z and Friends.”(4) Mr. Cob continues to practice at [insert law firm name here] and had his first solo federal jury trial in November, which went well. Becoming a father has finally given Mr. Cob a receptive, albeit confused, audience for his crazy voices and characters.(5)

If you have been paying attention, you will now have determined that this means that Lukas is home by himself for much of the day or that maybe he is working too, probably in catering. First of all, he would probably eat all the food(6) and secondly, he isn’t tall enough to climb into his crib for a nap or cook anything on the stove.

In fact, Lukas has his first graduation in January from the “Infant” to the ”Young Toddler” class at Primrose School in Midtown. He spends his day wrestling with his classmates (Rome) and running around the classroom stealing other kid’s toys. Oh and he dances. Like all the time. Any music, he’s down.(7) At home, when he isn’t running around the house, he is busy pointing at ceiling fans, flipping through books and chasing the dog. Dog! DOG! Dog. (He says that a lot).(8) Don’t worry he dances at home too. He is such a happy little guy.

Oh No. Is that the end of the page? Well, I could shrink the font a bit? No? Ok fine. Here’s wishing you all a Happy Holidays and a Merry Christmas.

Love,
The Swans

(1) Or is that a lie too? See what I did there…

(2) There was some other stuff that happened, but it really paled in comparison to Lukas, which is saying something considering he spoke terrible English and could barely hold his liquor. Amateur.

(3) PLUG! www.thenestingswans.blogspot.com

(4) PLUG! www.drzandfriends.com. This is the one she is getting paid for so, you know, look at it and comment.

(5) Based on some field research, Mr. Cob is writing a pilot for a children’s television show version of Dostoyevsky’s Crime and Punishment with the role of Raskolnikov played by a Golden Retriever with an Australian accent. His crime – getting up on the couch. His punishment – hugs and kisses.

(6) A clear violation of company policy.

(7)This is not surprising, Lukas comes from a long line of dancers. His maternal great great grandfather Cesar Ramon Cesar was voted best merengue in Sicily three years in a row. His paternal great grandfather the infamous Magnus von Swan was the first, and only, male pole dancer of the Greater Stockholm area from 1875 until 1935.

(8) DOG! includes cats. And sheep. And horses. Basically, Four Legs + Excessive Hair = DOG! So, Tom Selleck might also qualify.

My Heart is Happy

2011-12-23T16:50:00.001-05:00

Baby School Caroling

2011-12-20T15:20:00.001-05:00

Lukas' school sang Christmas carols to the business men and women eating lunch in their building today. Of course Mr. Cob and I went to this. Because, you know, 13 month old toddlers can sing and all. It was adorable. But the best part was secretly watching our little man enjoy the festivities - and then realize mama and dada were just a few feet away watching him! Man do I love this kid.

5 Days - What?!

2011-12-20T10:46:00.001-05:00

"It's the Most Wonderful Time of Year!" It's also the busiest time of year. It's five days before Christmas and I'm feeling very unready. One reason is that I've already billed a full month's worth of hours in the first 19 days of December. It is typically our busiest month of the year, so this isn't surprising, but it does make it difficult to get everything done when you're working for a few hours every night after the baby goes to bed and on the weekends. I've done a lot of online shopping this year and Mr. Cob has picked up the rest. He and my mom have been a huge help in taking care of Lukas while I've had to work these long hours.

But I can't complain, because I'm filled with so much love and joy right now. I've been listening to the Instrumental Holidays channel on Pandora at work. Our house is decorated and that Christmas-feeling is just in the air. All we need to do is watch Love Actually, and I'll really feel like Christmas!

Lukas won't really understand Christmas again this year, and I'm sure he'll enjoy playing with the boxes more than the toys, but I've found that the holidays are always more special when there are children around. And perhaps what I am most excited about is the fact that my brother and nephew are coming to town TOMORROW NIGHT!!! I am getting tears in my eyes just typing that. I haven't seen them since July and A LOT has gone on in life since then, so there is much to catch up on. I'm so excited to play with my nephew and to see him interact with Lukas. Lukas is probably still too young for them to really "play" together, but it'll just be so nice to all be together this Christmas.

I'm also excited to go to the Christmas Eve service at our new church, and to start some family traditions of our own. Mr. Cob and I are cooking Christmas Eve dinner for my family at our house and then all going to church together. My mom always cooks a big "Thanksgiving" dinner on Christmas day, so turkey and all those trimmings are out for our Christmas Eve meal, but I haven't figured out what to cook yet. In Christmases past, my mom has done a "party-style" appetizer dinner, so perhaps we'll continue with that tradition, or I may try out some new recipes. Or, lets be honest, at the rate I've been going, maybe we'll just order in! (Kidding mom, just kidding...)

Advice that Isn't

2011-12-11T22:16:00.001-05:00

There are many aspects about being a woman that I love. But cattiness and judgement between other women is not one of them. And worse yet, is judgement from other moms.

I was on facebook the other day and saw a post from a college sorority sister that read something like this: hey facebook mommy friends, any advice for this new working mom? Some days are really hard. My response: You can do it! It is really hard at first, but I promise that it does get better! My biggest advice is to not feel guilty and don't let other people's opinions make you feel bad. And cry when you need to :). Some days will be worse than others - but know there are lots of other working moms out there who can relate and are here to help!

I thought my advice was what I would've wanted to hear last February when I returned to work when I had a 12 week old at home/daycare. It was upbeat and encouraging, yet understanding and hopefully made the recipient know she's not alone in her feelings. And there is no sugar-coating it. Return to work after having a baby is really, really hard. I cried. A. Lot. But it did get better. And eventually I got into a routine and everyone in our house is happy (some days more than others). I made it through the first couple of months because I had a lot of people behind me and other working moms giving me advice and encouragement along the way.

What I luckily did not get, at least not to my face, was someone telling me that I was making the wrong decision. That maybe it was hard because I should instead be at home with my baby. But sadly, my facebook friend, received such "advice", if you can even it call it that.

One comment was to the effect of "It never gets easier." This is not helpful to the new working mom, in any way. Whatsoever. And for most working moms that I know, it's just not true. It does get easier. It takes time, but it does. I still have days where I cry in the middle of the day at work because I wish I was at home with Lukas. But those days are usually after I've been on vacation with him (and with my husband and away from all the responsibilities of day-to-day life), and/or are having an awful day at work, and really I'd rather be anywhere else. It does get easier.

Another comment, which was the impetus for me writing this post said something along the lines of "It was really hard for me and I never became comfortable being away from my child. I love being home now and realize how precious this time is and how fast it will go. Something to consider?" This comment made me want to jump through the computer and yell at this person. It took all of my constraint to not post a comment in response and start an all out comment war on my friend's wall. What got me the most was the end. Something to consider? As if this new working mom hasn't considered this. I'd bet that just about EVERY new mom who plans to return to work at least CONSIDERS if only for a moment (or much longer) staying at home with her new baby instead of going back to work. And a new mom reaching out to other moms for advice on juggling working and being a mom, certainly does not need someone else to remind her that she could get rid of this problem by quitting her job and staying at home with her baby. If I'd read this piece of "advice" a week or two after returning to work from maternity leave, I would have immediately lost my shit. At that point I was considering every second, of every day how I could figure out a way to be a stay-at-home-mom. And I sure as hell didn't need someone else asking me if I'd considered it, especially since it was not an economic possibility for my family at that time, or even now. And regardless of the reason a mom has for returning to work, financial or otherwise (call me crazy, some women LIKE working), putting into question another mother's decision is not your place, or helpful in any way.

Why that woman couldn't have said something encouraging and left it at that is baffling to me. You are entitled to your opinion, but you might want to weigh when and how you express it. And what is right for you, may not be right for the next person.

So my advice to anyone offering advice to a new working mom, be kind with your words. Say something loving and empowering to her. Women have fought hard for rights of equality in the workplace and for the right to CHOOSE what to do with her career and her family life. So don't judge someone when she chooses to be a mom and a working woman. Love her. Cheer her on. And wish her strength and success.

Why Mom, Why?

2011-12-04T10:23:00.001-05:00

Do you think it was the white beard, the red suit, or the who the f*&K is this complete stranger aspect of Santa that made Lukas a little weary?

Is it bad that I was kind of hoping he'd full on freak out and we'd get that amazing "child screaming and crying the first time he meets santa picture"?

Probably.

This is still pretty cute.

Recommitting, Publicly

2011-11-28T15:45:00.001-05:00

I haven't talked about my post-baby weight loss journey in a while. But now that it's been over a YEAR since the baby was born, coupled with the fact that I am back down to my pre-baby weight, I think it's safe to simply call it my "weight loss" journey at this point. I do have a magic number in my head that I'd like to get down to, but aside from that, what I really want is to tone up. I feel all flabby and jiggly. I lost a lot of muscle during my 9 months of pregnancy followed by my year of inconsistent/nonexistent working out. I mean, I used to have a butt, and now, nada. (And the ironic thing is that when I had the butt, I thought it was too big. Turns out, I prefer a bigger butt to a flatter butt. Who knew.)

So, now that the turkey is behind us, I'm recommitting to this weight-loss, exercise thing. I'm going to be diligent about entering my food into weight watchers each day and get on the exercise train again. As for the food, this will be more challenging now since I changed my weight watchers settings from "nursing mother who supplements baby's diet with food" (i.e. 36 points a day allotment) to "not a nursing mother" (i.e. 29 points a day allotment). Ah, so you say reading between the lines, she stopped nursing. I actually have not stopped, but figure that since I'm just nursing in the morning and before bedtime, I'm not as worried about my supply and don't think my body needs the extra calories anymore. I could be wrong. We'll see how things go. So if you see me drinking more water than wine these days, it's not because I'm pregnant (I'm not), it's because I'm trying to sexify myself. (Oh who am I kidding, I'll still drink the wine. I'll just have to eat a salad rather than a sandwich. There is always a way to drink the wine. Always.)

And on the exercise front, considering the fact that I belong to TWO gyms (one within a block of my office) and we have a treadmill in the basement, I really have no excuse. I even took it a step further today by bringing in my "old" running shoes to keep in my office and I ordered a bunch of makeup online so I have a makeup bag here too. Since my gym provides clothes, towels, shampoo, soap, hairdryers, etc. there is no reason I can't get to the gym a few days a week. Today, I went to a Zumba class at lunch. And you know what, it was the most fun I've had in a while. I forget how much fun dancing around to hip hop and Latin music can be! I look like a fool, no doubt, but it's a great break from sitting on my ass staring at a computer screen all day. Tomorrow I'm going to try a power pilates class at the gym. And maybe, just maybe, I'll get crazy and go to a spinning class later this week.

So there you have it. I'll check in and let you know how I'm doing. My "short term" goal is to lose 5 pounds by New Years Eve. I figure I need to bring sexy back before I get fat all over again with Baby #2....

From that to this

2011-11-22T10:23:00.001-05:00

A year ago, this was my little man...

And here he was this morning...

It's so crazy how much he's changed in a year. I feel like it's going by so quickly. I'm starting to get more and more comments that "it's time to add a new baby". No, no its not.

Lukas may not be a "baby" anymore, but I'm not ready to increase our roost to six. (The dog and cat count.) He's in this amazing stage and I want to keep all my attention on him for a while longer.

He's so silly and likes playing "jokes". He starts to hand you something (toy, cracker, sock) and then when you reach for it, he pulls it back and starts giggling. His laugh is infectious.

When he wakes up in the morning, he's begun singing in his crib. He just lays on his back staring at the walls and sings. I find myself staring at the monitor just watching him with a big smile on my face. (He jumps up the minute he hears his door open, so I can't sneak in and watch him in person.)

He loves books. Mr. Cob and I keep catching him sitting in his room flipping through books one page at a time. Hopefully this love will continue and he'll enjoy reading his whole life.

He gives kisses and hugs. But he also likes to run free and won't let you hold him if he doesn't want to be held. But he always "checks in" with us every few minutes and then is off running around again.

In a word, he's simply happy.

I also have a hard time believing I've been a mom for a year (and some change). In many ways, it feels like I've been doing this for much longer; in others, it's clear I'm still "new" at it.

Striking a balance between work, life, and family is a struggle most days. I think balance is the wrong word and I've stopped really trying to strive for it since it's rare that the stars align and everything goes perfectly in one day.

And I do love being a mom. I love being Lukas' mom and hearing him say "mama" when he sees me. I love his slobbery kisses. I love watching him grow and learn new things every day. I love watching him as he takes in the world and is mesmerized by things that don't cause me to think twice. I love rocking him to sleep every night before bed and having dance parties with him in the mornings.

I am blessed beyond belief.

And in this week of Thanksgiving, I am so thankful to have this little man in my life.

Friday smiles!

2011-11-18T15:42:00.000-05:00

Birthday Party Bust

2011-11-17T12:52:00.001-05:00

So, as you know from here, the little man turned one last week. And after much debate, I had decided to throw a party.

I sent out the evite (complete with corny poem). 22 adults and 8 kiddos were coming over. I planned the menu, bought the food, ordered the supplies for the party favors, had the house cleaned, had the lawn gussied up, welcomed the in-laws after an 11 plus hour drive from Chicago and may or may not have obsessively hunted down a pair of boots on ebay to wear to the party along with buying new skinny jeans, but I won't admit anything. (What, you thought the baby turning one was about him? No, no. It's about celebrating the fact that a year prior I pushed an 8 pound kid out of my you-know-what and lived to tell about it. Really, birthdays should be about the mother, not the kid. Also, it's about celebrating the milestone of making it as parents for a full year without royally screwing up. There's still plenty of time for that.)

So, Friday night before the party I was sitting on the couch decorating the sippy cup party favors when I suddenly stood up and proclaimed to the room, "I think I'm going to throw up." Sure enough, I was suddenly hit with the stomach flu. It was ugly. Turned out my mom had it too after spending Thursday afternoon watching Lukas. He was the carrier. Damn daycare bug. First thing Saturday morning, I made the decision to call off the party planned for that afternoon. I figured no one else need to suffer through the hell that had been my Friday night. So in the end, the Lukas' first birthday party didn't happen.

Mr. Cob wanted to somewhat salvage the day, so we still had a mini party with his parents - I slept on and off in my sweat pants on the couch, Mr. Cob made the chili, Grandma Kae made the dip and Lukas thoroughly enjoyed his ~~frosting~~ cake. After turning himself green, Mr. Cob and I gave Lukas a bath before bed and all was going well, when suddenly Mr. Cob yelled "what IS that!?!". I look over and Lukas was holding a big turd in his hand. Yup, he pooped in the tub. Sigh. We cleaned him up, sanitized the tub and all his toys, put Lukas to bed and then I took a sleeping pill and tucked myself into bed. Three hours later I woke up to a noise coming through the monitor. I turned the video on and saw Lukas standing up in bed, not crying or really doing anything at all. So I drowsily walked downstairs, opened his door and instantly knew from the stench: he threw up. Green vomit was EVERYWHERE. Double sigh. So I spent the next hour cleaning and doing more laundry and then didn't sleep another wink fearful of Lukas throwing up in his sleep again. Sunday morning he was fine, and happy as a peach. I was exhausted. Thankfully Mr. Cob never got the flu (we practically quarantined him since he had a big jury trial in Federal court starting the following Monday that he was trying all by himself and could not afford to get sick), and the grandparents seemed to be out of the woods when they left Tuesday morning. Turns out they're weren't and the flu had a delayed response time. They both were sick by Tuesday evening.

So, yea, Lukas' first birthday didn't exactly turn out as planned.

Maybe next year....

Green Baby

2011-11-14T11:11:00.001-05:00

We gave Lukas cake for his birthday this weekend. Do you think he liked it?

Lukas' First Birthday Letter

2011-11-08T21:33:00.000-05:00

Today is my baby boy's FIRST BIRTHDAY! I can't believe it. Here he is a year ago - the day he was born:

And here he is today:

(and one family photo from this past weekend)...

This year has gone by so fast and so slow at the same time. I've cried more in the past two days than I anticipated - I'm very emotional about my little baby growing up. It's true what they say, it goes so fast!

And in what I hope to make a yearly tradition to Lukas and all my future kiddos, here is my birthday letter to my son on his first birthday:

My dearest Lukas,

Today you turned one year old! I can hardly believe that a year has passed since I first laid eyes on you. At 2:50pm on Monday, November 8, 2010 you, my sweet son, entered this world. And you stole my heart that very same minute. The instant love and joy that I felt upon meeting you was the happiest moment of my life. And without a doubt, the past year has been the happiest of my life.

I remember being so nervous riding in the car home from the hospital with you. Daddy was driving and I was sitting in the backseat staring at you the entire ride. We got you home and I was so happy and so scared at the same time. You were just this tiny little guy, but you were our guy and we loved you more than we imagined possible. Grandma Kae and Grandpa Paul were home waiting for us to arrive and they stayed a week helping us learn how to become parents. Grandma Sip Sip and Grandpa Up lived only 35 minutes away, so they came by often in those first weeks to help mommy and daddy care for you.

You nursed from day one and are still nursing today, 365 days later. In the first month or two, you ate ever 2-3 hours and we spent most of our days sitting on the couch while you nursed. I credit nursing as a huge factor in our bonding. You loved skin-to-skin contact and sleeping on mommy or daddy's chest. As you've grown over the past year, you slowly dropped the amount of milk you needed, but you still enjoy nursing and it is the one thing that can soothe you immediately if you're ever upset. You sleep in your own room all night long and then when you wake up in the morning, daddy goes downstairs to get you and brings you to our room and we begin every morning laying in mommy and daddy's bed cuddling and nursing. We end every day rocking in the glider as you drowsily nurse to sleep. It gives me so much joy to share this special time with you buddy. I'll be sad when the day comes that you decide to wean. But I have precious memories, especially from the middle of the night when the whole rest of the house is silent and its just you and me. It makes me smile just thinking about our bonding time.

You have been a happy baby from the get-go. You rarely cried as a little infant and your smile and dimples are infectious! Everyone we meet comments on how smiley and happy you are. We picked your name, Lukas, because it means "brings light" and you have lived up to that name and then some. You bring so much light to everyone's life, especially mommy and daddy's life. Your eight teeth shine through when you smile these days and your laugh is so sweet. You laugh with your whole body and without embarrassment. You love music and begin dancing, or shaking your head or pumping your arms in the air whenever you hear music being played. Some of your favorites right now are "Little Puppy", Mumford & Sons (thanks to daddy), "When Ducks Wake up in the Morning" and Renee & Jeremy for nighttime. I sing to you every night before bed - usually the Night Mantra: I will be your home, I will be your guide, I will be your friend, always on your side. Sleep now in your room, quiet of the night, surrounded by the moon, until you see the light. I sing this over and over again and you seem to relax when you hear it, even despite mommy's bad singing voice. You just light up when a song comes on the radio and if you're upset in the car, all I have to do is play your favorite Primrose Music class CD and you start clapping your hands and kicking the seat. I keep joking that you're going to be a professional dancer when you grow up!

You discovered your voice a few months ago and you love hearing yourself talk! You are always babbling about something. Right now you can say: Dada, Momma, Dog, Cat, Duck, Look/Book and your favorite "UP" as you raise your hands in the air, or stand up. You know that a dog barks and can mimic his sound. Grandpa Paul taught you that cats hiss, so you hiss when I ask you what a cat says. You LOVE your puppy Wrigley and you're growing to really like your kitty Bailey. Surprisingly, she seems to like you, even though she doesn't like most people. You know where your nose is and can point to other people's noses, you know where your hair is and we're learning about our ears. You love fans and get very excited whenever you see one and start hooting like an owl! You clap your hands and if you hear the word "clap" in a song you start clapping your hands. You're a smart little guy! You started walking around 10 months old and are now running around - momma's having a hard time keeping up with you! You like to climb up the stairs and we're working on teaching you to go down the stairs backwards with our "knees please!" You're getting the hang of it. You have NO fear and like to climb on the couch and have taught yourself how to get down from the couch. You love the water and ran straight for the ocean and the big waves a few weeks ago at your first big beach vacation. You love being tossed high in the air and laugh loudly when daddy plays with you. You have a great appetite and eat just about anything you're offered. Your favorite foods are macaroni & cheese (you eat it and loudly say "Mmmmm"), yogurt, sweet potatoes and cheerios. You eat often, but you're so busy that you are a skinny little thing!

It is a true joy being your momma. I love you more than I ever knew was possible and I love watching you grow and learn every day. Thank you for the happiness that you have brought to our lives.

I love you sweet boy. Happy First Birthday, buddy!

Love,

Momma

Beach Baby

2011-11-07T16:46:00.002-05:00

I think its safe to say that Lukas enjoyed our beach trip...

Perfect End to a Day

2011-10-28T20:18:00.000-04:00

Wish you were here...

Been busy

2011-10-27T15:57:00.000-04:00

I'll blog soon, I've been a bit busy...

Dance Party Friday

2011-10-21T09:49:00.001-04:00

Doesn't ever family have a dance party in the morning? Happy Friday!

I'm Trying...

2011-10-20T10:31:00.000-04:00

Ok, so after my recent post about my style ineptness, I decided that I would make a concerted effort to put some more thought into my outfit each day. I'm going to avoid wearing ill-fitting clothes and try to at least match.

Here I am this weekend at a wedding:

(Admittedly, its hard to screw up a dress. Although, I did wear gold heels and gold earrings and in looking at this picture, I'm thinking silver might have been the better option. Oh well. Added bonus - Mr. Cob and I even compliment each other's outfits! And doesn't Regan look cute - love that blue!)

And my workout fit on Tuesday:

(The white Nannette Lepore shirt has been sitting in my closet for about 3ish years - it was a ~~hand-me-down~~ gift from my aunt. I love it, but for some reason always shy away from wearing it. The black and white skirt is a post-pregnancy-weight-loss shopping spree buy and the green cardigan is Talbots via Marshalls. And the shoes (Franco Sarto - great inexpensive, comfortable brand) are 5ish years old, but I love them. I find that I buy shoes, don't wear them, and then rediscover them 3ish years later and love them. I have problems.)

I realized this morning that I need some work pants. And another black skirt. I may or may not be wearing the same skirt I wore on Monday. Don't judge. I have realized lately that accessories are KEY in having style. I'm really big into belts right now. I could use some new necklaces though.

I get to look at myself in the full length "mirror" in the elevator every morning...

I'm wearing the one pair of slacks that I own that kind of fit. But I am wearing red shoes, which make me happy. Try it, it works.

Do I at least get points for doing my hair today?

So I'm trying.

At least my little monkey is stylin'!

Email is Out?

2011-10-18T09:36:00.001-04:00

I heard on the radio recently that email is becoming the "old" way of communicating and that you can't expect someone to respond to your emails. Rather, twitter, facebook and texting have taken its place. Now call me old-school, but I just think this is ridiculous. Perhaps its because I sit at a computer all day long and a very large part of my job involves emailing back and forth, but I just can't believe that most people don't respond to their email and would rather communicate via facebook or text.

Am I completely wrong here? Do you respond to facebook messages or text messages before emails? What is your favored mode of communication?

Admittedly, I have found myself facebook messaging people lately. But I think this is due to not knowing someones email address. So I can see where facebook is becoming a means of staying in touch, but my go-to is not a facebook message, it is an email. And twitter as a way of staying in touch is just silly to me. My obsession with twitter lasted all of about 10 days and I now don't ever really log-on. I never really "got" it. I need more than 180 characters to say anything. I'm wordy, what can I say.

Seriously though, do y'all prefer texting or facebook over email?????

Yes, Yes, There are Children in Africa...

2011-10-14T13:19:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I know that there are many people less fortunate than myself in the world who would love to trade places with me and be dealing with my "non-problem problems". But I donate clothes to goodwill, so we'll pretend this is a serious problem for a minute. Great, thanks.

So my problem? I need a wardrobe intervention. I need What Not to Wear to come surprise me while I order yet another Dunkin Donuts coffee and fly my ass to New York with $5000 to go shopping. I'd withstand the humiliating 360 degree mirror, secret footage and national publication of my wardrobe ineptness. It would be worth it. I don't know what my problem is each morning when I have to pick out clothes, but I'm starting to suspect that either my taste is rapidly declining or I'm still half asleep when I get dressed.

Yesterday I managed to leave the house in dark jeans, a peach blousy top that one might wear when they're trying to hide a pregnancy (which I am not for those of you wondering), a Kelly green short sleeve cardigan and nude flats. I later traded the nude flats for olive green wedges, because, you know, that made sense. I looked at my reflection in the mirrored elevators on my ride up to work and just shook my head. I looked crazy. Not to mentioned that I had to wear this out to drinks last night.

Earlier this week I wore a black skirt, a blue top, different colored blue cardigan, brown belt and purple shoes. What? And today I have on jeans with a stripped sweater, a patterned top and animal print wedges - and nothing goes. I'm not even sure the colors match. At all. And no, I won't share a picture.

I used to pride myself on having decent style. I have no idea what has happened to me. I'm going to blame it on the whole being pregnant for 9 months thing and then the 9 months to lose the weight thing. That's 18 months that I wasn't wearing my normal size clothes. So most of my clothes are out of style. Or they just don't fit right because even though I've lost the baby weight, things have shifted, lifted, dropped and just changed on my body. So things that used to fit, now just look frumpy or a little off.
Sigh. I think its time for a big time closet cleaning and then a trip to the mall. Unless of course, anyone out there has a hook up with Stacy and Clinton. Anyone?

Side Effects of Daycare

2011-10-12T22:03:00.001-04:00

When people find out you're pregnant, after the initial questions: When are you due? How have you been feeling? Are you finding out the sex? Have you picked a name? I found that many people asked me if I was planning on returning to work. After my response was yes, the next question that came was one I came to detest: What are you doing about childcare? Or if they were more direct, the question was framed more like: So, you're getting a nanny, right? Well as anyone who has read my blog before knows, no, I did not get a nanny. When he was exactly 14 weeks old, Lukas started daycare. As it would turn out, people are quite opinionated about daycare. Especially older generations, as I've found they just don't seem to think kids should be sent to daycare.

I was a little nervous at first about daycare myself, especially since my childhood revolved around my mom who stayed home with me and my brother. Taking care of us was her career. She was passionate about it and she's an amazing caregiver. The closest I ever came to daycare was attending the after school program in elementary school for an hour or two until my older brother finished with school.

But for my child, I made the difficult decision to return to work as an attorney and "send him to daycare". Gasp, I was going to have other women raising my child. I know what some people think of this decision. They are entitled to it. But I am happy with my decision and my experience with daycare has had many pleasant surprises that I was not expecting.

(I should point out that Lukas is attending a new, in-town daycare/school and we pay a pretty penny for this care. The cost rivals that of college tuition. In fact, annually it costs more than what I paid for my law school tuition each year. I realize that this fact alone sets my experience with daycare apart from many people who send their kids to "daycare". Primrose is more of a "private school for babies", but in the end, Lukas is getting cared for during the day, so it's still "daycare".)

The first thing that I wasn't expecting from daycare was for the "strangers" who are taking care of him every day to become an extended part of our family. His teachers and the administrators at Primrose spend more time with my son than most of my family. They may not have the same kind of love for him that my family does, but they love him. And we love them. One of his two original teachers left a few months ago to start another job that allowed her more time with her young children, and I've missed her and was genuinely sad to see her go. But we've stayed in touch (thanks to facebook) and have had one play date and another planned this weekend. Another one of his teachers is leaving this Friday and she will be just as missed. These women are such a huge part of my life and Lukas' life. They are not strangers by any definition of the word. They are amazing, patient and loving caregivers who I feel 100% confidence in caring for my son.

When I first went back to work, I felt like I was a horrible mother. How could I possibly choose to return to work over staying at home devoting all of my time to raising my son? There was a lot of doubt and we won't even talk about the guilt. But over the past 8 months I've realized that I am a better mother because I work outside of the home. I am fully present with Lukas when I am with him. I devote all of my attention to him and whatever game we're playing, book we're reading or song we're singing. I don't take the time I do spend with him for granted, and I think I would if I were not working. I believe I would see taking care of him as another chore, another thing to do. Instead, I really engage with him and cherish the time I am home with him in the mornings, evenings and weekends. And they do more with him at baby school than I would at home - painting and drawing, reading lots of books, singing, dancing, learning sign language and gaining social skills by interacting daily with the other babies. I think he's getting the best of me as a mom and the best from daycare. The combination is proving to work and so far he's an extremely happy baby, which is really all I could hope for at this point.

The last thing I wasn't expecting from daycare was making new friends. I have had the joy and privilege of meeting some hilarious women in the other moms in Lukas' class. It's nice to have other mothers who understand the frustrations of nursing and the questions about continuing to work. These ladies know what I'm going through at any given time, be it juggling being a mom, working and being a wife; dealing with horrible diaper rash; projectile vomiting; not sleeping. You name it, if it is baby related, they've likely experienced it. I find that at the end of each work day I don't just look forward to picking up Lukas, I also have the added bonus of seeing friends. The "boys club" as our boys have been dubbed, will all be together in the same class for at least another 6 months and I'm so glad because that means the moms will all get to be together for that long too. It's not easy making new girlfriends, so I consider myself lucky to have met these women and be able to call them friends.

So the next time I'm pregnant and someone asks what I'm doing about childcare, I'm going to happily tell them that my baby will be going to ~~daycare~~ baby school at Primrose.

Complete Bullshit

2011-10-12T14:48:00.001-04:00

Ok, so I just figured out how to view my blog stats and come to find out that out of my top 5 posts of all time (out of about 300ish), TWO of them are posts THAT I DID NOT WRITE. They are posts that MR. COB WROTE. What the fuck. Seriously? This is depressing to me.

This means one of many things:

1. Mr. Cob is much funnier than me. (Blah, Blah, Blah. Mr. Cob is great, Mr. Cob is funny. Blah. He gets it all from me. Don't let his humor fool you. It's not the improv classes, or the voice impersonations, or the random ass jokes that can make a room full of people laugh. He gets it from me. I'm the inspiration for his jokes, anyway.)

2. I am not funny. No, no, that can't be it.

3. Mr. Cob is more interesting than me. (Hum, lets do a comparison:

• Mr. Cob = lawyer. Me = lawyer.
• Mr. Cob = 30 years old. Me = 30 years old.
• Mr. Cob = oldest child. Me = youngest child
• Mr. Cob = video gamer, baseball lover, scrabble enthusiast, beer maker, dad. Me = wine drinker, sushi eater, wine lover, runner, wino, writer, mom.

Nope, we're practically the same person, so he's not more interesting than me. Definitely not.)

4. I promote his blog posts more than my own. (This is the only logical explanation as to why his posts get more hits than mine. I broadcast his posts on facebook and shout to the world: "read what my hubby wrote." And then you do. Yes, this must be the reason. He's not funnier than me.)

Well now that THAT is settled I'm going to go cry in a corner and attempt to forget that I don't even write the most popular posts ON MY OWN BLOG.

Stay tuned. I'll see if my celebrity ~~fame-whore~~ husband will write a guest post for your enjoyment soon.

Future Soccer Stars?

2011-10-12T08:40:00.002-04:00

Mr. Cob and my brother have grand plans for Lukas and his cousin Stu to play on the US soccer team in the world cup in 2018. If you want to be the best, you have to start early....

At Christmas, we'll take a video of Stu and Lukas kicking the soccer ball together! Love my boys.

A Non-Problem Problem

2011-10-05T14:33:00.002-04:00

This is so not a real problem. It's not really a problem at all. It's really just me being indecisive. Which is something I'm bad at. I'm trying to be better. Thanks for asking. So today's indecisive/non-problem problem is what to do for the little man's first birthday. Lukas turns ONE in exactly 34 days. (scream, yikes, whoa, how did this happen?)

It's a pretty big event/milestone in his life. It's a big milestone in my life. It means I made it through of one year of parenting with my marriage in tact, my job kicking on, my waist whittling down, a happy kid and my sanity still on the "more sane" side of the sane spectrum. (What? You didn't know there is a sane spectrum? There is. Believe me. I've traveled along all sides of it - just ask Mr. Cob. Or better yet, my mother.) Where was I? Oh yes. One year birthday.

It's a big deal in these parts. In the past year alone I've been to two one-year-olds' birthday parties. The moms order invitations, bake cake-pops, decorate the house, clean the house, invite family and friends, plan activities, open presents, etc. etc. It's a big to-do. And it's one that I'm just not sure I'm up for.

Don't get me wrong, I love a good party. I love throwing a good party. My parties involve lots of wine and beer and I even whip out the fine china every once in a while. But I just don't know if the big One Year Old Birthday Party is something I should do. For one thing, I don't know that Lukas would really want a ton of people staring at him while he's expected to smash the cake in his face. (Although, the kid does tend to put on a show for an audience, and considering his hearty appetite and love for sweets, he'd probably dive into the cake.) And then there's the question of who to invite? Family, of course. Friends with kiddos around his age, sure - they have to watch their little ones anyway, so why not come to my house and watch your kids with a glass of wine in hand. But what about friends without kids? Do they really want to come to my kids first birthday party? Would they feel obligated to come and bring a gift? Or would their feelings be hurt if I didn't invite them? And then what about all of Lukas' school friends. If we have a party, I think I'd want them to come. They're his buds. And then there's his teachers. They spend 5 days a week with him, so would they really want to spend one afternoon of their weekend with him? And now we're talking about a whole heck of a lot of people in my house. And I'd need food. What do you cook for a group of adults and one year olds? And the cake? And back to the whole house cleaning thing. And what do you do at a one year old's birthday party. In November? It just sounds like a lot. Especially when there's this little 12 month old dude who doesn't always nap when he "should" and could be having an "off" day and probably couldn't care either way.

Sigh. This is so not a problem but I need to make a decision one way or the other soon. I'm leaning towards just doing a family shin-dig. Or maybe the party...there are some cute invitations out there and I just love an invitation poem:

A BIRTHDAY POEM FOR LUKAS

The animals have all gathered ‘round to say,
November the 8 is a very fine day.

For one year ago, with the sun shining bright,

Baby Lukas arrived, to his momma's delight.

His daddy smiled bigger than ever before,

Their lives suddenly changed with this baby to adore.

365 days have now gone by,

Some come celebrate with Lukas, our silly little guy.

We’ll dance and we’ll sing songs, as only babies do,

And we’ll wish Lukas a happy birthday as he turns one, not two!

Church Search Conclusion

2011-10-03T14:47:00.001-04:00

It has been over a year and a half ago that we started our Church Search and it has finally come to an end. We've found a church. And we're joining it officially on October 23, which will be the same day that Lukas is baptized at said church. As we discussed with the Pastor, it'll be nice to all join together on the same day, as a family.

Our search didn't go as I'd assumed it would. I envisioned us trying out lots of different churches in Atlanta and had even started a list of places I was interested in, but we only ended up going to three different churches during our search. The first was Redeemer Lutheran Church on Peachtree in Midtown. It is a beautiful church that Mr. Cob and I had attended multiple times a few years back. We liked it, but there was something that never felt quite "right" to me. I was always a little uncomfortable. And the one pastor we really like had left the church in the few years since we'd attended.

The second church we went to was Buckhead Church with some friends. It was an entertaining service, but ultimately was not what we were looking for, for various reasons.

The third church we tried was St. John's Lutheran church on Ponce in the Candler Park/Druid Hills area of Atlanta, about 5 minutes from our house. We've driven by the church countless times and thrown out the idea of trying it one day. Eventually a few months ago, that one day came. It's a smaller church than I thought we'd end up in. The first service we attended was in the summer and the regular pastor was out of town, so there was a female pastor filling in. I enjoyed the service. Mr. Cob seemed to like it just fine, but was a tad weary of the smallness. We both liked it enough that we decided we'd go again when the regular pastor was back to hear him and give it a second chance. And then I did some research on the internet and came across this piece on the pastor. And while most people will probably think I'm nuts for saying this, reading that piece is the reason I initially new that this church might be the place for us. The fact that Pastor Bradley is gay said all I needed to know about this church. It was open to all people. It was liberal. It practiced what Christians preach. Acceptance. Nonjudgement. Love. I called Mr. Cob and shared this bit of information with him and told him I definitely wanted to go back. He thought I was crazy, but having grown up Lutheran himself, I believe he was happy that we might end up raising our own family in the religion of his childhood.

So we went back. And then we went back again, and again. Every week that we go, I feel good afterwards. I feel happier about the world and have a renewed sense of faith in people. I smile more. I look forward to going back the next week.

This is a very odd and strange thing for me. I have never before been fully comfortable in any church. I don't usually connect with the sermon and what people are saying. I am going through the motions and fidgeting the entire time. But that has changed since we've found St. Johns.

We had coffee with Pastor Bradley and talked about joining the church and getting Lukas baptized. Our conversation with him left in me with similar feeling to how I felt when we met with Brian, the Methodist minister that married us. They are both very open and loving and not at all what I thought clergymen would be like. I realized that I didn't have to believe 100% of the things that I thought Christians believed in before joining the church. I don't have to have all the answers to the questions I have. Best of all, I felt comfortable talking to Pastor Bradley about the questions I had about faith, Hell and Christianity. He suggested some books that I might find interesting on the topic and the one I've already read, Love Wins, was a great read and one that I connected with.

Yesterday, St. John's Church celebrated the Feast of St. Francis with a blessing of the animals during the service. So we brought our pup, Wrigley to church with us. Lukas' favorite thing (aside from his mom and dad, of course), are dogs. He can say the word dog. He walks up to Wrigley, throws himself on her and just loves on her. He can find pictures of dogs in his books. And he gets very happy when he sees a dog. So you can only imagine his joy upon sitting in church and staring, pointing at all the doggies and repeatedly saying "dog" yesterday. As I sat in the last pew with my 11 month old son on my lap, babbling "dog" during the silent moments, my husband a little harried sitting next to me while our dog pawed at the puppy in front of her, I smiled and was truly happy in this chruch.

I am happy that we have found a place where I can explore my faith and hopefully grow in it. I am happy that Lukas will be raised at a church that seems to practice what it preaches and that he will be taught at church to truly accept all types of people, no matter what. I am happy that my family now has a church home. I am happy that the church search has come to a successful end.

Mr. Cob's 30

2011-09-30T16:50:00.000-04:00

Mr. Cob's sis sent me some pictures from our weekend in Chicago for Mr. Cob's birthday and I thought I'd share them. Happy Friday!

Me and Mr. Cob

Me and My sis-in-law

Comedy show action

Mr. Cob & the Fruncles - aka, his BFFs from home

The Birthday Boy!

Me, Me, Me

2011-09-28T16:36:00.001-04:00

Enough about the little dude for a minute. Let's talk about me. (Egocentric? Yes. It happens.)

So what have I been up to? (I'm assuming you've been wondering this. No? Ok, well, whatever. Just go with it. Or stop reading. Either way.)

I'd say that right now I'm still identifying most with the title of "mom". I feel like I'm finally comfortable in this roll and actually good at it. I like taking care of Lukas, I like every aspect of being a mom so far. Even the dirty diapers, laundry and other mundane tasks. Mothering is definitely one of the things I was meant to do in this life. I'd be lying if I said I don't get frustrated, mainly when I'm in the middle of trying to soothe a teething boy or cleaning the poop out of the tub, but even those are things that I find joy in. Because they're all for this little guy. And he's just so cute and in this great stage of learning and changing so much right now.

But I said we weren't here to talk about him.

I'm still working full time. I'm now in my 5th year as a lawyer, at the same firm I started with out of law school. Most days I love my job. The people are what make it great. My boss is understanding and respectful of the fact that I have a family, and because of that, I have a more positive outlook towards work and don't mind working in the evenings and weekends, if need be. I leave work at 5 on the dot most days, which gives me a few hours with Lukas in the evenings. But it's hard to juggle work and home life, especially when I'm busy. I've been getting in the office around 8 every day, working until 5 and then about every other day I end up working a few hours at night after Lukas goes to bed. This leaves little time for housework, leisurely activities, friends and even Mr. Cob. Time management and trying to do everything I want to do is the hardest part of being a working mom. I usually feel like I'm neglecting someone or something in my life. Often, that someone is myself. I'm having a hard time fitting in exercise time, which is something that I enjoy doing and something that makes me feel good about myself. And if I do find time to exercise, that's time that I'm not able to spend with Mr. Cob. And time with him, especially alone, is hard to come by these days. I still don't know how some women do it all, and make it look easy. Because it's not. But I'm trying to figure it out as we go and not beat myself up in the process.

While I can't find too much time to exercise, I have managed to lose ALL of the baby weight. As in all SIXTY FIVE plus pounds of it. And then some. (But let's not mention the fact that I've lost a ton of muscle tone too...). I was doing Weight Watchers, and am still signed up for it, but have been bad about keeping track of my points the past two weeks. WW definitely helps you realize what you are eating and change your habits as needed. But the other reason I swear I've been able to get rid of this weight is because I'm still nursing. I really believe it's helped me get the weight off. I'm almost at the 11 month mark of breastfeeding and plan on continuing until Lukas is one and then cutting back or stopping altogether. I've heard that your body drops another 5ish pounds once you stop nursing, so that'll be a nice plus at the end. I would like to tone up and get some muscle definition back, as well as work out a few times a week. Now with the cooler weather coming in, I can take Lukas out in the jogging stroller and hopefully get back in to running. And it really does feel great to fit back in my clothes again. It may have taken 9-10 months to drop the weight, but that's how long it took me to gain the baby weight and I'm not a crazy celebrity non-eating woman, so I'll take the 9-10 month time frame. And the best part, I not only have my old, thinner body back, but I now have boobs to go with it. Maybe I'll never stop nursing...Just kidding. Maybe.

Well that's enough about me for now. I'm sure I'll write about the little guy again soon. I just can't help myself. I'm obsessed.

Boy's Best Friend

2011-09-27T09:02:00.004-04:00

Another Lukas post. Because I haven't written in the baby book in, eh, 2-3 months. Oops.

So words. The little dude can definitely understand more than he can say, but he's starting to say, or attempt to say more words. His vocabulary includes the following:

Dada
Mama
DOG
Night-Night (aka "nigh nigh")

He can clap when he hears the word clap, even if he doesn't see you clapping. If you ask him to point to the fan he looks up for the fan. It's fun stuff.

But without a doubt, his biggest obsession is the dog. (And the cat, which I believe he thinks is a dog. Ok, so he thinks anything furry with legs is a dog. What can I say - he's a baby.) Well his Grandma Kae bought him his first stuffed animal dog and he l.o.v.e.s. it. Like for real. It's come in handy in convincing him to walk more and get the walking on tape.

So maybe he's a cat man after all?!?

Here I Am...

2011-09-26T14:24:00.004-04:00

Life has been happening lately. So blogging has not. Not that anyone has probably missed me. Anyone even out there? Hello???

So what have we been up to? In a nutshell:

Lukas started walking. Like for real walking. As in, he can walk clear across a room without falling. Does this mean I have a toddler? Toddle is a good description of the way in which he walks. I need to get a good video, but in the mean time, picture a miniature drunk sailor wobbling along half running taking lots of mini shuffle-esque steps with his hands raised in the air. Usually with a big grin. Onlookers tend to smile after seeing this silliness. It's infectious.

Mr. Cob turned 30 and I managed to plan and execute a surprise 30th birthday trip to Chicago for him (and me and Lukas). His brother from Miami flew in, his sister and her boyfriend spent the weekend with us, his two childhood best friends helped us celebrate (one driving in from Iowa and the other secretly helped me plan the whole thing along with his sis) and his parents babysat - it was amazing! We even fit in a playdate with two of Mr. Cob's college buddies and their kids. We had a quick trip, but it was so fun. I love Chicago and feel like I'm supposed to live there one day. Probably not any day soon because I would want to live in the city, and I think we've missed that window for the time being. I told Mr. Cob that when our kiddos are grown and we have more money than we do today, maybe we can rent a condo in downtown Chicago and live there for a year. It just makes me so happy to be outside walking down Michigan Avenue. I think I'm a city girl at heart.

We have a busy fall ahead of us full of family and friend visits, a wedding, two trips to the beach, Lukas' baptism and then his first birthday. Life is busy, but good.

Simply Unimaginable

2011-09-12T14:25:00.002-04:00

I had prayed I wouldn't have to write this post. But sometimes the power of prayer just isn't enough. God has different plans.

My friends Emily and Chris lost their 9 month old son Marco this morning. Within a little over two weeks he first showed signs of being sick, was diagnosed with cancer and passed away. It is not fair. He was such a sweet soul with a beautiful smile. He was just a little baby.

There are no words to make this "better" or spin this tragedy. I'm trying to stay positive, but that's very hard to do when you can't make sense of something. I like to believe that everything happens for a reason, but today I don't know what that reason is. God works in mysterious ways, but I'd like to ask him "why?" on this one.

I pray that Marco's momma and daddy have strength to get through unimaginable time. Please keep them in your prayers and thoughts and send them love.

Please hug and kiss on your family a little tighter and a little longer than usual tonight. Make that phone call to whoever it is you've been holding off calling for whatever reason. Say you're sorry to whoever you've wronged. Reach out to that friend you haven't been in touch with. Be kind to both neighbor and stranger alike. Call your momma just to tell her you love her.

Life is truly precious and too often we take it for granted.

Sweet Marco, I know you're an angel in Heaven now, safe in the arms of God. You will be missed by so many.

Sugar Baby

2011-09-11T17:33:00.000-04:00

I promise I'll stop posting just videos and pictures sometime soon. I do have some stuff I'd like to write about, but just haven't sat down to do so. In the meantime, here's another video of the little dude. He likes ice cream. Big shocker.

TEN Months Old

2011-09-08T10:05:00.001-04:00

The Little Dude is 10 MONTHS OLD today! In honor of his "10 month birthday" here's a video of him taking a few steps this week (the unassisted steps occur around the 38 second marker).

And here's another one of "my little monkey"...

What Do I Say After That?

2011-09-06T15:03:00.002-04:00

I've sat down to write a few posts in the past week since my last one, but nothing seemed "right". Every topic seemed cavalier compared to what my two friends were going through. It seemed almost rude to follow up a post about two babies in the hospital with a post about what my silly baby is doing. My heart goes out to these two families and I’ve also felt a tinge of guilt for having a healthy child myself. Which, I know, is silly. But I love these friends dearly and keep praying that both kiddos will be ok. Seeing these parents deal with what they have been has made me reevaluate what is important in life and spend as much time as possible with my loved ones.

Speaking of my loved ones – look at these two sweet guys:

The taller one and I celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary last week. Well, we had it. We're celebrating this week. Our usual babysitters were in California visiting my brother so we postponed our dinner out and gift-giving a few days. We stick with the traditional wedding gifts, so we'll see what leather gifts we each come up with this year...

Oh and we broke our anniversary tradition. (Can you call it a tradition if you've only done it two years?) We've watched our wedding video every year on our anniversary. But neither one of us remembered this year. At all. Until two days later, at which point it was too late. The tradition was broken. I think we'll pick it up again next year. Or not.

As for the shorter little dude. He will be TEN months old in a few days. Two days to be exact. (Where did the time go?) He decided he'd start walking this weekend! At first he'd just walk from the ottoman to the couch (2 steps). And by walk, I mean teeter. And then last night he definitely took 4 steps to give me a hug! I love my little man. And I love my big man. I'm a lucky girl having these two guys in my life. They make me smile.

Whoever Your God

2011-08-30T08:48:00.001-04:00

I don't tend to get too religious or spiritual on here very often. I do need to update everyone on our Church Search, as I'm happy to report it has finally come to an end and we've found a church that both Mr. Cob and I are happy attending. But that is not what this post is about.

This post is about the power of prayer. Which I wholeheartedly believe in. And this post is about reaching as many people as I can to request your prayers for some friends. We have two different friends who have babies in the hospital right now. And they could both use some prayers and happy, love filled thoughts sent their way.

So whoever your God is, if you could add these two sweet souls and their families to your prayer list, it'd mean a lot.

Baby Ella was born last Friday a few weeks early (6.5 to be exact). She's a little thing and is in the NICU right now. Her mama is one of the strongest women I know, so I have no doubt that Ella is a fighter and will get to go home soon. Baby girl, we're all behind you, cheering you on! Her mama will likely get discharged from the hospital today and so I'm sending her love too as I know it will be hard to leave without her new baby.

Baby Marco is almost 9 months old and his mom and I became friends when we were pregnant (we actually met through Ella's mom). Marco and Lukas started daycare together and his parents have become good friends of ours over the past year. Marco has had some health scares in the past that were pinpointed to serious food allergies. But he's now in the hospital and the doctors don't know yet what is wrong, but they're working hard to figure it out.

I can't imagine what it is like to have your little baby in the hospital, but I know that the support of friends and family and even strangers can't hurt. So please send these two families some love.

And hold on tight to the ones you love a little longer than usual today. Life is so precious.

Monday Video

2011-08-29T16:02:00.002-04:00

A little silliness from our weekend.

What I bring to the table…

2011-08-24T22:32:00.000-04:00

Cob, here. So last weekend, Mrs. Cob and I went to a birthday party at a place called Dip and Dab. Here is the set up. BYOB, BYOF. They supply you with paint, canvas, and a teacher lady who shows you how to paint a picture that is at the front of the room. Grab the big pointy brush, use some green and make some trees. DRINK. Now here’s a river, use some blue on this one. DRINK.

At this point it was apparent that I suck at painting. I had already screwed up my skyline and river so I thought I could cover the mistake by painting a man’s face over it. You know have the forest scene in the background. Crap, his head is too large… ah Crap, that chin is too wide… let’s cover it with a beard. Hm, ok now a mouth… shit, no red paint. So, Blue lips? … yeah its cold out there, hypothermia. Ultimately, I painted a hobo dying of hypothermia down by the river.

Suffice to say, art is not my thing. In fact, the incident with the drunken hobo and his frigid, frigid death is just the tip of the iceberg (pun absolutely intended – sorry). I have been to museums, the Louvre even, and I just don’t get it. For example, at the art museum by millennium park in Chicago (can’t even remember the name) they have a room filled with medieval weaponry. They also have what I am told are many great pieces of sculpture and painting. But all I do is look at the swords. Look, I know it is simplistic, but I like paintings that look like the thing they are depicting. “Hey that is exactly what that is supposed to look like.” Yeah… it is shameful. And here’s the problem, Lukas will be looking up to me to teach him things and when it comes to art, Daddy is a Neanderthal.

Part of raising a child is teaching them what you know and what you love, and hoping they like at least some of it so you have something to talk about when you are 70 and are too old learn the new stuff “them kids are into.” What is embarrassing about what I bring to the table is that while it is a ton of fun, it is ultimately useless. For example, being a Cubs fan is pointless. It has been for at least 103 years and there is no end to that futility in sight.

But let’s, for the sake of this blog, imagine Lukas grows to love, er obsess, over the things I do. Being obsessed with Mr. Show, Saturday Night Live, Monty Python, the State, Patton Oswalt, the Sklars, Star Wars (movies and novels), J.R.R. Tolkein, Marvel Comics, Weezer, the Beatles, Seinfeld, Role playing games, board games, video games, Judd Apatow Movies, and beer brewing involves a set of skills that are really only useful in pub trivia. Don’t get me wrong, I do know a lot of things, which my wife tells l me are helpful, and I follow directions well (can follow the shit out of a recipe or flow chart). Also, I know how to make people laugh without taking my pants off, which is a pretty useful skill (this is not to say that I don’t also make people laugh by taking my pants off, but I digress). Its things like art, ballet, theatre, and literature other than science fiction that are things that I wish I knew more about, or even understood, such that I would also help Lukas learn and enjoy them. After all, kids tend to mirror their parents, so if he doesn’t learn to appreciate these things from me, then from who? Well there is Mrs. Cob isn’t there? Great, problem solved. Looks like it is up to you to bring some sophistication into this little boy’s life.

Good luck, my love.

Guess the "Artist"...

2011-08-19T23:45:00.000-04:00

Baby's First Braves Game

2011-08-17T20:45:00.001-04:00

Smile Big!

2011-08-16T16:13:00.001-04:00

When Did This Happen?

2011-08-16T11:33:00.001-04:00

As I walked passed the Crate & Barrel storefront I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the store window and had to do a double take. Who was this woman in a dress and high heels pushing a baby in a stroller? I recognized the dress and high heels part; my everyday outfit pre-baby. But the stroller and baby part made me stop in my tracks. I had one of those "when did this happen" moments?

It feels like yesterday that I was a college student living in the sorority house juggling drinking and studying, nary a care in the world. A lot has changed since then and I'm not that same woman anymore. She's definitely a part of my life and has shaped me into the person I am today, but thankfully, she and I are no longer the same person.

Somewhere along the way I grew up. I suppose at some point we all do.

I can't pinpoint an exact time when this happened. It's been gradual and the icing on the cake was probably having a baby. The day Lukas was born was the day I stopped being selfish and putting myself before everything else. He had to come first. And I've learned a lot about myself and changed a lot since he was born.

I'm no longer timid about speaking my mind, especially when it comes to my son. Before Lukas, if I was concerned about a situation or feeling like something was off, my typical reaction was to just let it slide. Someone else would take care of it, I'd rationalize. I didn't want to be the source of trouble. But in the past two months, I've found myself picking up the phone to call Lukas' school and express my concerns about one situation and walking into to the administrator's office to speak directly about another. Two things I would have gotten extremely nervous about before. But now I didn't hesitate at all, even though Mr. Cob at first was concerned that I was becoming "that parent". It is my responsibility to protect Lukas and speak up for him, since he cannot. That is my job as his mother.

I have also found that I'm not quite as narcissistic or self conscious since becoming a mother. I'm that person who always look at myself in anything resembling a mirror. It's a bad habit I picked up along the way. I generally care about how I look and try to present myself as nicely as possible in public. But I also used to really care about the number on the scale and feel somewhat self conscious in a bathing suit. While I still tend check myself out in windows, elevator doors and picture frame glass, I don't have such a critical eye anymore. I definitely don't have the same toned body I once did, but when we go to the pool now, while I don't sport my tiny bikini, I do wear my tankini proudly and not give a second thought to the size of my thighs. I figure I have this adorable, healthy little boy that people are looking at instead of me anyway. I'm also proud and amazed at what my body has done in the past year. So while I do still want to tone up and lose a few more pounds, I'm at a place where I'm totally happy with my body.

Life also seems much more precious now. It's not worth fretting over whether all the dishes are in the sink or the weeds are all pulled. Or whether we have the latest gadgets or cars. There will always be someone with a bigger house, a nice car and fancier shoes. We may not eat at the hippest restaurants or go out to the newest bars, but I wouldn't trade my current state of home life and my amazing family for anything in the world.

I'm not sure exactly when I became this woman, sometime between saying I do and rocking my baby boy to sleep, but I like her and am happy she's here.

First Date Flashbacks

2011-08-12T14:24:00.000-04:00

Grandma Sip Sip is babysitting Lukas overnight tonight. That means Mr. Cob and I are going out on the town!

And by out on the town I mean out to dinner with friends. We're wild like that.

So as any reader of this blog knows, I'm pretty baby-centric these days. I have been for the past 9 months and two days. Oh wait, you better add 9 more months on to that for when I was pregnant and baby-centric.

Naturally, over that time we've tended to hang out with our other kidded couple friends or about-to-be parent friends. This way we can all bring our babies along and still have a social life. Our talks usually revolve around babies, with occasional side conversations about such things as "Lesbians who look like Justin Bieber" or other, intelligent topics.

But tonight we're going to dinner with some "no kid" friends. They're not anti-kid (as far as I know), they just don't have kids yet. And the worst thing you can do with your "no kid" friends is talk about your kid the entire time. No one likes that parent.

So in an effort to not be that parent, I've been reading various newspapers and trying to brush up on current events so I can pretend that I know what is going on in the world. I'm secretly (or, ehm, not so secretly now) coming up with an emergency list of topics to talk about that have nothing to do with kids.

Maybe Mr. Cob and I should come up with a "safe word" in case one of us heads down that dreaded path.

I feel like I'm going on a blind date.

And I thought my dating days were over.

Wish us luck! And feel free to send me any hip, cool conversation topics.

And if you're reading this and having dinner with me tonight, know that I am really excited and have already picked out the ~~bottle~~ glass of wine I plan on ordering!

Weigh-In

2011-08-10T15:24:00.001-04:00

Baby L (as my dad fondly calls Lukas) turned 9 months old this week, which means we had our 9 month well doctor's appointment. If he were a teenage girl or heck, any female for that matter, he'd be excited to learn he's "skinny". But he's not a lady. He's a boy. A very skinny boy!

He weighs 17.75 pounds which brings him in at around the 10th percentile. But he measured about 50-75th % for height (I think he's 28.5 inches) and 50th % for head circumference. And generally speaking he's in great health. At 9 months babies are given their first developmental test and he passed all the questions, so that's positive too.

The doctor said he's free to eat anything we are eating and to just try different foods. This was good to hear since the baby food is starting to lose its appeal to Lukas. He'll take a spoonful and then put his hand in his mouth and take the food out (gross, yes). So I think we are done with baby food. I now have even more reasons to cook at home and eat more fruits and veggies. It's funny how I care greatly about making sure Lukas gets organic food and very little crappy processed food, but don't follow this advice myself all the time. Also, according to the doc, apparently if you offer a baby a food atleast 10 times, they'll eventually acquire a taste for it. So she said not to give up if there was a food he didn't like at first. So far the kid hasn't met a food he doesn't like. Which is ironic given how skinny he is. He's just so full of energy that I think he burns it all off quickly.

As the doc was leaving the room, she stopped and said to me "You know you could just add cheese to all his meals to try to fatten him up." If only my doctor would say that to me! HA.

Lukas is crawling everywhere and standing on his own but not walking yet. I took my first steps at 9 months, 2 weeks, so we'll see if he follows suit. He's "talking" more and more every day and says "dada", "mama", "Aahhh" (for Auntie Allison, we think) and "Bup" for puppy. He's a ham and I love him more than I ever could have imagined.

Picture in a picture

2011-08-04T11:23:00.001-04:00

This is now sitting on my desk at work. How adorable is this picture?

It was waiting for me when I dropped Lukas off at daycare and makes me love his "school" even more. They send home so many cute pictures and projects. I've even re-started my Lukas scrapbook that I plan on filling with all the art projects he does at school and the hundreds of pictures I've been taking of him. And I am even using my "good" camera more these days and will upload some of those pictures one of these days.

Ok, back to ~~starring at my little king~~ work.

Scrub scrub

2011-08-03T10:14:00.001-04:00

Not only is today hump day, it's also the day that Auntie Al is coming to town! In anticipation of her visit the Little Man took a morning bath so he'll be all clean when Al gets here. (or maybe the bath was due to a swim in the baby pool last night and lack of a post-baby-pool bath at night. Either way, he's clean and all baby-smelly now!). We're all excited for Al's visit!

Back in Balance

2011-08-01T09:58:00.000-04:00

Luckily my woe-is-me moment of last week was fleeting and I snapped back into seeing life with rosy glasses rather quickly. I'm blaming my slip into the blahs on the hormones. Yup, I'm still blaming the hormones. (I'm still breastfeeding, so the hormones that went insane while I was pregnant have yet to restablize. My new plan is to continue nursing until I get pregnant again so that I can continue blaming the hormones for any of my strange behavior for the next few years. I'm only half kidding...)

How can I not have a smile on my face with this silly dude in my life????

I was also reminded this weekend how great of friends and family I have. Friday night after work I spent a few hours with my parents, grandma and Lukas. I love that they are close and I really love that my grandma is staying in Georgia for the foreseeable future (I haven't told y'all this have I? Hum, Ok, well tack that on to the blog posts I need to write. Here's the would-be-title: "Grandma J is not going back, back to Cali, Cali!" (which is really a factually wrong title since she never lived in Cali, but you'll overlook that in the interest of a catchy blog title, right? Thanks.)). I also had a long talk with my brother this weekend and while he did move back, back to Cali, Cali (am I annoying you yet?), I'm glad we've stayed close, though I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish on a daily basis that he and Stuie lived around the corner. Maybe one day. Maybe I'll move back, back to Cali, Cali (yup, I've now annoyed myself. I'll stop now, I promise. And no, we have no current intention of moving across the country.) I love my family.

And my friends rock too. We caught up with a handful of friends this weekend and it was good for my soul. Everyone left our house after a cookout yesterday and I turned to Mr. Cob and said "We have some really good people here." And he agreed. I love my people. Thanks to all of you who are my people. You mean a lot to me!

Sometimes the Positivity Runs Out

2011-07-29T10:27:00.000-04:00

I think I woke up on the wrong side of the bed yesterday. And Lukas woke up on the wrong side of the crib. Our day just did not start out well. He was cranky, which is unusual for him. And I was all sorts of out of it. I couldn't even remember the code to our alarm system. It was that sort of morning. And unfortunately it carried with me throughout the day. I just felt really melancholy and ended up with a woe is me evening.

The tipping point was putting Lukas down to bed. We're still letting him "cry it out", which works in the sense that he sleeps 11 hours straight at night without waking up. But I thought that eventually after a few days I'd be able to put him in his crib and he'd smile at me and fade off to sleep. This has happened a grand total of two times. Every other night he cries, whimpers or screams full throttle for anywhere from 20 seconds to 20 minutes. Last night he was full on screaming for 12 minutes before he dozed off to dreamland. And his crying was too much for me. Eventually (as in 3 minutes in), I started crying too and I just couldn't stop.

Two glasses of white wine later and after a good talk with Mr. Cob on our porch I was fine. And I realized what had been bothering me. I do love my life, I love my baby boy and I love my family and friends. There is very little in my picturesque life that I can complain about. Compared to a lot of people, I know I have no real serious problems. I acknowledge all this and realize that my "problems" are ridiculous in the eyes of someone with "real" problems. But they are my problems, regardless of how small they may be. I realized that my life has changed and that I'm not fully used to it yet. I have this little person who is fully dependent on other me and Mr. Cob to survive. Being a parent does not end, ever. And it's awesome, but it also changes your life. Specifically your social life. I looked through my phone and saw that in the past 20 days only two people aside from my husband and mother have called me - and those two people were returning my calls. I guess friends assume we are busy with the baby, and admittedly, most of the time we are. But it makes me a little sad. I wouldn't change my current life for the world. I just need to try a little harder to incorporate my "old" life into my new one, or accept the fact that I've changed and my friendships have changed, and that's OK.

I also need to be OK with not always being positive. Some days I'm going to be in a funk and rather than beat myself up about that, I need to just roll with it and know that tomorrow is a new day.

Today, I woke up happy. And when I went in to the nursery to get Lukas at 6am, my heart melted. He was waiting for me with a huge smile on his face. I love our morning routine of laying in bed together while he nurses. Before long, he'll be too big and grown up for these early morning snuggle-fests and I'll miss them.

Being a mom is full of ups and downs. The ups, by-far, outweigh and outshine the downs. It's figuring out how to manage the down-days that I struggle with. But like I've said before, I'm not perfect, nor will I ever be, nor am I trying to be.

The 22nd of July

2011-07-28T14:11:00.000-04:00

Three years ago, July 22 became a very important day in my life. It's the day I became an aunt. The day my amazing nephew was born. This year Stuart turned THREE!

Then a year ago, on July 22, one of my very best friends from college gave birth to a beautiful baby girl Callan. This year, sweet Callan turned 1! (And may or may not have kissed Lukas at her birthday party...)

And this year on July 22, two and half weeks early, another one of my dear friends from college who I lived with in the sorority house with Callan's momma, gave birth to this handsome little boy, Charlie!

July 22 is indeed a blessed day! I wonder what's going to happen on July 22, 2012?!?

Rings are Fun

2011-07-27T22:50:00.000-04:00

While I consider actually writing the blogs that go along with the titles from my last post, I thought I'd share a picture of the baby.

Mind block

2011-07-27T13:14:00.000-04:00

Yea, yea, I realize I haven't written in almost two weeks. It's not intentional, I promise. Its just that I don't feel like I have anything to say that anyone would want to read about. I mean, do you really care about reading the full story for the following blog Titles?

1. Date Night: Do I get points for staying out past midnight?!

2. Church Search Complete? Maybe, thanks to the internet informing me that the pastor is gay.

3. "Bup, Bup" = Puppy?: Tales of interpreting the speech of an 8 month old

4. Get down from that [insert piece of furniture here]!: Our child likes to climb (Alternative title: We are so f*cked)

5. 9 months to put it on, 9 months to take it off

6. Beware of Older Women: Lukas gets his First Kiss

So those would be the six blog posts I'd write if I were writing a post. I doubt anyone will miss the actual stories, right?

Little Dude Update

2011-07-14T15:24:00.001-04:00

Lukas turned 8 months old last week. (At what point do we stop getting excited about him turning another month older? Oh, you've already lost excitement, you say? Well he's not your kid, so yea, I can see that. But it's a big deal to me as his momma. But I see the silliness of it all. You'd look at me as if I were an alien if I said that I turned 362 months old last week. But I digress.)

So what's the little dude up to at 8 months? Here are some (mostly) unconventional notes for the baby book.

- He did his first pull up yesterday. Yes, you read that right. He was in his crib at school, reached up to top of the crib and PULLED UP so that his feet were dangling and he was pulled up. We do indeed have a climber on our hands. A mini Hulk, if you will. I'm now taking bets on how much longer before he climbs right on out of his crib. I think 10 months will be the magic age. Pray that I'm wrong.

- He has SIX teeth. I think he gets this from my side. I was an early teether. He has two bottom teeth and four upper teeth. They're big honkers. Yes, I refer to them as "honkers" on a regular basis. I can't explain it.

- He's for real crawling. I know, I know I proclaimed a while ago that he was "for real" crawling, and he was, or so I thought. His belly was still sort of on the ground until a week ago. He now is on all fours crawling. Or actually, he's on all threes with one of his feet on the ground. It's odd. I admit. But it works and he's fast. You really cannot take your eyes off him, or he'll be gone.

- He's been on a sort of bottle strike lately and not drinking his entire bottle at school. He's averaging 3 four ounce bottles again (he was at 6 ounces in each bottle). I suppose this is because he's eating more and more. And we bumped him up to the stage 3/chunky baby food. He's now even eaten chicken (baby food chicken bytheway: gross, gag, yuck) and more fruits and veggies than I can keep track of. He loves yo-baby yogurt and cheerios. And we're still happily nursing, so my year long goal is looking attainable for now. And yes, he has bitten me with those teeth. It hurts. Enough said.

- He's still a generally really happy baby but will certainly let you know if he's upset or wants something. The kid has a great set of lungs.

- We're in the middle of sleep training, and it's going pretty good. The first night he cried for 47 minutes, then 40, then 20 and then Sunday night he decided to throw a big protest party. I sat on the screen porch, beer in hand, watching him scream on the monitor for over an hour. 64 minutes to be exact. It's like he was testing me. But I didn't give in. He eventually wore himself out and fell asleep and didn't wake up until 6am Monday morning when he was all smiles. (Yes, a huge part of me feared that he would hate me, but he didn't. Thank God.) And you know what happened next? Monday night he cried for a minute, Tuesday night he cried for 2 minutes and last night he cried on and off, but not very enthusiastically for 20 minutes before he was out for the next 11 hours. So while I totally resisted this, I'm happy that my little guy is learning to soothe himself to sleep and that we're all getting some shut eye. The key for anyone trying the "your baby won't hate you" sleep method ("cry it out" sounds so bad, I like my name much better) is to have the video monitor near you but turn the sound completely off and go somewhere in your house where you can't hear the baby. It's the only reason we made it through. Beer helps too. And wine.

- The little dude is happy at day care, loves his teachers and friends and even waves to me and blows kisses when we leave. Ain't he cute?!

Sending Love to Heaven

2011-07-12T16:07:00.000-04:00

I've started to write this post a few times. I even got about five long paragraphs in, but then decided to delete it all. My words just kept coming out wrong. I've been hiding from the blog world for a few weeks now. I have my reasons and they go something like this:

I was really busy at work in June.

Mr. Cob, Lukas and I went on vacation.

The second to last day of vacation my 93 year old grandpa passed away.

My mom's family (including my brother and nephew) descended upon Atlanta to honor, mourn and celebrate my grandpa.

Needless to say, its been an emotionally taxing few weeks. There have been some really happy moments mixed in with some really sad moments. I don't feel really comfortable writing about how I feel about my grandfather passing. Maybe in a while I will, but for now, I'll just say that he's the first person who I felt close to who has died. I've been lucky in that regard. Papa John was a Colonel in the United States Army and had military honors at the funeral including a 21 gun salute, the folding/presenting of the flag to my grandmother and the playing of Taps. This made a difficult day even more difficult, I think, but I'm glad he was given that honor for his service. He lived a full life and left behind a large family. Papa John will be missed by many.

My uncle Tom wrote better than I could about him, so I thought I'd share his words here:

The distance between Gay, Georgia and Greenvile, Georgia is about ten miles.

The distance between when John Starr began his life in Gay, Georgia on January 31, 1918 to the moment on July 1, when he left us was ninety-three years.

During these ninety-three years the currents of history moved at near impossible speeds. The world that existed when John began his life and the one in which he was raised in the small Southern town of Greenville no longer exists.

John’s lineage can be traced back to Henry Starr who was born in 1752 and served in the Maryland Militia during the Revolutionary War.

John's parents Joseph Tenth Starr and Marie Barnes Starr raised John along with brothers Robert Arless, Joseph Tenth Jr., and sisters Ruth Adeline and Sarah Ellen during difficult Depression years.

The values that that were formed during these years remained with him his entire life. A close bond to family, strong work ethic, and an appreciation for personal integrity and honesty were central to John's character and outlook on life.

During high school John participated in numerous activities and excelled at track and field events including pole vaulting where he competed and won several state competitions. After graduating from Greenville High in 1936 he attended college briefly in Rome Ga. then the University of South Ga. for two years. During this time he was a Field representative for the Dept. of Agriculture specializing in tobacco programs. He would later receive his LLB degree from Blackstone College of Law while serving in the military.

During World War II John served as an Infantry officer and was responsible for logistics and training of many troops. In the Pacific Theater he was involved in the demilitarization of Japan at the war's conclusion. While stationed at Ft. Breckenridge, Ky. he met Margaret Imogene Railey, fell in love and was married to Jean for 67 wonderful years. After the war, while in reserve status, John worked at Delta Airlines as an assistant station manger in the south for several large airports. He would resume his Army career and spend 32 years in many varied assignments around the world.

Highlights of his Army career include serving as an intelligence officer debriefing thousands of displaced persons after the war in Salzburg, Austria. This important work resulted in valuable information helpful during the Cold War. He also had tours of duty in Taiwan, Korea, Fort Benning, Georgia, Oklahoma Military Academy, Okinawa, and Fort Monroe, Virginia. He received numerous commendations and awards for his service to the country. He retired from the Army in 1974. Jean and John moved to Lakeland, Florida and would spend the next 30 years.

John obtained his private pilots license in 1940 and his interest in aviation was a lifelong pursuit.

John was an active member in the Experimental Aviation Association (EAA). While in Florida he served as a board member of the Sun-N-Fun Fly-In and participated in many aspects of this organization while promoting his love of flying.

John loved talking to people and would offer a “Hello” or smile to both friend and stranger. John was a lifelong Methodist and attended church regularly. He lived out his faith by caring about people and would go out of his way to help those that needed encouragement. John's love for his family was the primary focus of his thoughts throughout his life. He leaves wife Jean, sons John B. Starr Jr., Dr. Robert M. Starr, Tom Starr, and daughters Sippy Cesare, Amy Hubbard, Becky Ferrell, and Tami Paulus. The legacy of his memory will be carried forward with 12 grandchildren and 19 great-grand children.

John will remain in the hearts of his family as he held his loved ones in his heart for so many years.

His sense of humor, love of maps and flashlights, moments of cantankerousness, and mostly his love of Jean will always be with us.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Hiatus

2011-06-28T22:05:00.001-04:00

I'm taking a blogging break for a few days but wanted to share this picture of me and my little dude. I'll be back to posting soon- just regrouping for a few days. Recharging after a rough couple of weeks.

1st Daddy's Day

2011-06-20T20:23:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was Mr. Cob's first father's day. We went to brunch with my parents (can't forget to celebrate my own daddy!) and then we just spent the rest of the day as a family. It was a great day. So much has changed in a year. Last year Mr. Cob was just a daddy-to-be and now he's an amazing father to our cheerful little boy. I love both my guys more than I can say.

Good morning!

2011-06-18T10:12:00.001-04:00

Good Vibe Karma

2011-06-16T16:26:00.000-04:00

So it's been bugging me all day since I made my last post. I feel like all it did was send bad Debbie Downer-esque vibes into cyberspce which can't be good for the whole of humanity. So here are some pictures to make you smile.

I can't help it. At my heart I'm an optomist. Well, except for the years of 1996 until 1999. I think I utilized every pessimistic bone in my body those years. I'm better now. Thanks for asking.

Easy is Not the name of the game

2011-06-16T13:40:00.000-04:00

It's been a rough week. As I told a friend, it's not been rough in the "grand scheme of life is pretty good and a lot of people have it a lot worse than me so I really should be thankful and not complain" but it has been rough in my little spec of the universe. I know, woe is me.

But I think its important to post about the bumps in the road and not just post the cute pictures of my baby. Because life isn't all sunshine all the time. And I'd be doing a disservice to other mommas out there if I failed to write about the issues I have. And there's no lack of issues.

I'm ridiculously busy at work. What a lot of you may not know is that I work at a fairly large law firm with over 400 attorneys. Our office only has about 20, so I get the small firm feel with the big firm perks. But the past two weeks I've felt like a true big firm lawyer. I'm billing an average of 11 hours a day, which is over my norm of 8ish hours a day. What this has meant is getting to work earlier than normal and working for a few hours at night once Lukas has gone to bed. Mr. Cob has stepped in and been doing the dropping off and picking up from day care a lot lately. I'm also putting in anywhere from 2-6 hours each day during the weekend. And with all this "extra" work, it means I have less time for Mr. Cob and Lukas. There have been tears shed about this. There will likely be more to come. It's hard being pulled in all three directions of lawyer, mom and wife and feel like you're never quite fully present with any of them, or when you are, you're neglecting the others. And then there's the guilt. I'm struggling with the guilt for sure. So there's that.

Lukas had his first bout of sickness last week. Fever of almost 103 and a bad rash. And he hasn't been sleeping well, probably because of the sickness. So I haven't been sleeping well. He seems to be better, but still hasn't yet started sleeping through the night again.
And we have had some family stuff going on. Mr. Cob and I are fine and happy, but there's been a lot of other things on our minds lately as far as our siblings, parents and grandparents go and I think we both wish we lived closer to all our family. I wish I could hug my brother and play with Stuart this weekend. But I can't because they live on the other side of the country. And as amazing as Skype is, it's just not the same. So there's that.

I know this will all pass and life will be rosy again soon. I'm trying to take it one day at a time and not overdramatize my life. But the truth is, in my small ity bity world, I've been struggling this week. I just keep telling myself to breathe.

It's Nice to Know You're Loved

2011-06-14T23:20:00.000-04:00

Since I've been back to work after maternity leave, the best part of my day is when I go to pick Lukas up from daycare. Not just because I get to hug and snuggle with my baby boy after a long day of working, but because of the initial reaction I get from him. A huge smile comes across his face and he gets really excited when he sees me. He is genuinely excited that mommy is there.

[Imagine how much happier this world would be if we all greeted each other with such excitement...just a thought.]

And it's not just me. Lukas does this for his daddy too.

Daddy, where are you?!?

And daddy was gone all weekend, so Lukas was especially excited to see him Sunday night when he got home.

And mommy was there capturing it all on tape for you.

Breastfeeding & Working Tips

2011-06-14T13:13:00.000-04:00

So by the title of this post you can guess what it's going to be about. MILK! Specifically, some tips on continuing to make milk after you've gone back to work. I know that most of you will just skip this post altogether. That's fine. But maybe you know someone who has had a baby or is about to have a baby or you will one day have a baby and you want to breastfeed said baby and after a while you want to, gasp, go back to work and, double gasp, continue to breastfeed said baby. In that event, I think there are some tips that are definitely helpful in this arena and I wanted to share those.

Lukas turned 7 months a week ago and we're still going strong on the nursing front. My goal of nursing for a full year is looking attainable at the moment and I may even continue beyond that a bit (more on that later and yes I do see all of you rolling your eyes at me thinking I'm becoming one of "those" mothers, and I'm OK with that. Does it help if I mention that part of the desire to keep nursing is to continue having big boobs? No? Ok, forget I said that then. It's just a thought at this point anyway.)

So here are some tips to continuing to nurse and be a working momma.

In order to continue to nurse after you've gone back to work, you'll need to become good friends with your breast pump. As such, you need to buy a good one. A double, electric pump is a MUST. I'm a fan of the Medela pump-in-style, but to be honest its the only one I've tried and for all I know the others could be just as great. The key is DOUBLE and ELECTRIC. And pumps aren't cheap, but it is worth it in the end. Supposedly you save something like a $1000 if you breastfeed instead of buying formula, so take out the $300 for the pump and consider yourself to have saved $700ish. However, I would not recommend spending the extra money on the the Medela "hands free" pump, as I've heard its just really complicated and not worth the extra money. Instead, buy a hands free bra that allows you to pump hands free so you can type or do whatever with your hands while you pump. I'm pretty sure having that bra is one of the reasons I've stuck with it the past four months.

Another "mechanical" tip as far as pumping and working is to buy extra parts. I pump 3 times at the office so I have three sets of parts (breast shields, valves, etc.). This way you don't have to wash the parts at the office and can just wash everything at one time at night. And as far as that goes, I throw everything in the dishwasher in little dishwasher caddies. You only need the 4 bottles to pump three times at work - use two during session 1, use the other two during session 2 and then combine all that milk into just two bottles so you have 2 empty bottles for your third session. This has always worked for me, but in the event that I should have a huge output day, I keep freezer bags in my pump bag just in case.

I think the other biggest tip is to pump when the baby eats and try to stick as close to the baby's feeding schedule as possible. If the baby drinks three bottles at daycare or with the nanny, then you should pump three times during the day. It's how you'll keep your supply up. Also, don't skimp on the pumping session and try to get it over with quickly. I'm sure everyone is different, but I personally get more milk if I pump for 15 full minutes as opposed to stopping at say 12. I also do not get more milk if I stretch out the time between sessions and pump for longer. My supply simply goes down the longer I go between pumping sessions. I've also found it helpful to nurse Lukas as much as he wants to when I'm home and on the weekends. I try not to stick to any schedule on the weekends or at night and just allow the baby to set the schedule. I've read that if you keep a rigid schedule as far as actual nursing goes, your supply might go down. So don't worry if the baby just ate 30 minutes ago, if he seems hungry, feed him!

Breast milk or formula is supposed to be the baby's primary nutrient source until they are a year old. But of course they start eating some food way before that. Once your little one starts eating "solids" your supply may go down. I was very concerned about this and then I read something somewhere that has helped me. Always breastfeed your baby BEFORE you give them solids. This way they are filling up on milk rather than food and your supply will stay up. Eventually the solids will become the main source of food and the milk will just be extra, but until then, making sure the baby gets as much milk as possible is OK. (But I'm not a doctor, so talk to yours if you have concerns about this. This is just what's working for me.)

So now that you have an awesome pump (and the necessary hands free bra), extra parts, and pumping often, the final and possibly most important tip is this: change your attitude. It is ALL about your attitude. Don't think of yourself as a cow having to be hooked up to a machine "milking" you multiple times a day. Though admittedly, from a technical stance, that is what's going on. Well, not the you being a cow part. Think of this as something you are doing for your child. A sacrifice, if you will. And pumping is a means to an end. You have to pump during the day to continue to be able to nurse your precious baby when you are together with him/her. Nursing is my bonding time with the baby and is something I really have enjoyed. If I didn't pump, then I'd have to give up this bonding and special time. I'm just not ready to do that yet. So make peace with your pump. It's necessary.

As a side note, especially to anyone on the fence about nursing in general - I was really against breastfeeding when I was pregnant. It just did not appeal to me in any way, shape or form. But Mr. Cob convinced me to give it a shot, and I am SO glad that I did. Its hard to explain, but there's just an amazing bond I feel with the little man when he's nursing. I'm sure mommas who choose not to breastfeed bond with their babies in many other ways too, but for me, nursing has been amazing.

I also think people are a little shy to talk about breastfeeding and the questions they may have. One reason I know I've had success with continuing to nurse and work is that I have a very supportive boss and have had some friends give me tips along the way. Most of those tips are above. So I want to pass along the info! As always, feel free to ask if there are any other nursing questions you have!

Being a working momma is hard. Being a momma is hard. But you can be a working, breastfeeding momma if you want! Unless you're a dude. In which case you're shit out of luck.

Fun at grandma's

2011-06-11T08:04:00.000-04:00

My future pilot???

The Simple Things

2011-06-09T09:40:00.000-04:00

It doesn't take much to brighten someone's day. A smile. A "how are you doing?" Or a quick message. It just takes a minute.

My momma just sent me and my big brother this email:

"Good Morning punkins'.......it's a great day to feel good!!!!!!!!!"

And I smiled immediately. I'm having a busy and emotionally tough week. This simple message was what I needed to hear this morning.

So how about you? Who can you reach out to today. They just might need to hear from you.

Kate's Wedding Post #2

2011-06-05T22:49:00.001-04:00

So I was just sent more pictures from Katie & Ben's wedding weekend, aka the wedding of 2011. These pictures make me smile and I had to share!

Mr. Cob and I at the rehearsal dinner - this is how every first picture we take goes:
Me: Smiling and trying to look pretty
Mr. Cob: Completely silly

The Bride and some of her maids

The UGA Law School crew (minus a few)

The UGA Law bridesmaid's speech.
Erin is the only one who loves to talk in front of a room full of people, but we love Kate more than we hate public speaking, so we wrote a poem, drank some wine and spoke about our dear friend.

Here was our poem:

The once was a girl named Katie J
Who went to Athens to attend UGA
She spent many hours studying the law
and laughing and partying with us all

After four years we all parted ways
And to the big city Katie would stay
Not even Baxter or Rosie could have known then
That her one true love, would turn out to be Ben

Seven years after their very first date
A message on Facebook would seal their fate
Tarheel games they never did miss
Eventually Ben got the nerve to give her a kiss

After two years they took a trip to Italy,
And at Cirque Terre, Ben got down on one knee.
Now we're all here to witness you say your "I do's"
And wish you love and happiness your whole life through.

Kate before the walk down the aisle. Simply gorgeous.

Such a happy bride

I love my girls!!

And this just makes me smile and laugh!b

Baby Tuxedos

2011-06-02T09:19:00.000-04:00

I just got back some of the pictures from this past weekend. I think they speak for themselves, but since I'm here I'll speak for them too.

The bride is stunning!

Lukas. In. a. tuxedo. Adorable.

Mr. Cob looks pretty good too!

A Break from the Videos

2011-05-31T11:33:00.000-04:00

While it's easy to fill up blog posts with videos of Lukas, I figure its time to shift gears for a moment and actually put down some words. It's also time to shift from being baby-centric. I do have a life outside of baby, kind of.

I think I've mentioned before that I have some amazing friends. Well I feel the need to say it again. I have amazing friends.

I spent the weekend in Chapel Hill celebrating my friend Katie's wedding. Kate and I met in law school, where we also met some other great ladies. I spent all weekend laughing with them, retelling stories and creating new memories. I love being with them. But the day after, once we've all left to go back to our respective cities, I'm filled with a little bit of sadness. I miss my girls already. I wish we all lived in the same place.

I wish I could just hop in the car and go visit Carey and McKinley. I'd love to have regular playdates with her and Lukas and get to watch them really grow up together. Instead I'll watch her grow up via pictures and visits three to four times a year, if I'm lucky. I wish I could be there in a month when Carey goes back to work, to meet her for lunch and give her a real hug, because she'll need it. But a phone call and lots of emails will have to suffice.

I wish I could meet Erin for brunch on Sunday to hear the latest on her love life. I wish we could meet for drinks after work (and laugh as she pulls her own coozy out of her purse) and cheers her in person for kicking ass at her job. If she lived here I know I'd have a regular work out partner to walk with or play tennis together.

And I'd love to spend more time with Ally. We spent all weekend in New Orleans laughing together and pondering life's "important" questions. She was always willing to go back to our house whenever I needed to pump, whether we were in the middle of Burbon Street or about to go shopping. She was there when I needed a friend, even if it meant misssing something more fun. And then again this weekend, I just found myself constantly laughing with her and smiling. Thankfully Nashville isn't too far away, but it's still not down the street.

I wish you girls lived here. If there's anything I can do to make that happen, just say the word.

I am blessed to have great friends here in Atlanta too. Katie is here. If she and her new hubby ever move away, I'll cry. I'd be so sad not to be able to meet her for a martini and talk about everything and anything that's go on. She is one of the few people I can say anything to. No matter what.

And Lauren and T are here. It's so nice to have couple-friends who Mr. Cob and I see regularly and who I'm so close with. And it makes me smile knowing our babies are growing up together. And to have other working momma friends to lean on here.

I think you're blessed if you have one good, true friend in this life. I'm not sure what I did to deserve so many amazing women to call my friends. But my life is better because of them. And for that, I will always be grateful for going to UGA law school. Always.

Baby Book Moments Galore

2011-05-31T10:09:00.000-04:00

This weekend marked another baby book moment for the little man. He pulled himself up all by himself for the very first time! And since I'm an obsessed mother, I had the phone out and video recorded the whole thing!! (Sidenote: What did I ever do before the iphone? Seriously. It's amazing. If you are pregnant, you need an iphone. You just do. Trust me, its worth the money.)

Also, please disregard my voice. I hope I don't sound like that in person. It's kind of creepy.

Yes, Yes, I'm Obsessed

2011-05-26T08:39:00.000-04:00

I can't even hide the fact that I'm totally obsessed with my kid. I've become one of those mothers. And I'm OK with that. So yea, here's another video of my little man. His laugh is too cute. It just is.

I promise I'll write a "real" post sometime soon. It's on my neverending list of things to do!

He Crawls

2011-05-25T14:11:00.001-04:00

This one's for the baby book.

On Saturday, May 21, 2011 Lukas started crawling. Like for real. My kid is Crawling! I have a kid who crawls. This is insane. I'm not sure where the past 6 months have gone. Before I know it he'll be borrowing the car to go on his first date. I need time to slow down. N.O.W.

And I didn't even really see the first "crawl". Mr. Cob did, so at least we didn't both miss it!

Let me take you back to Saturday morning....

I woke up at 6:30, since this is Lukas' new wakeup time as Mr. Cob recently mentioned. I rolled over and looked at Mr. Cob and declared "We're still alive. I was honestly a little worried we'd be raptured during the night. Or not raptured, but killed somehow, you know in the whole aftermath of those not being saved thing." Mr. Cob: "Seriously, you were worried? You're joking, right." Me: "I'm 100% serious. I was a little scared." Mr. Cob: Laughs and rolls eyes at me.

Fast-forward like an hour...

Mr. Cob was sitting on our leather couch and had Lukas on his belly laying next to him. They were probably watching soccer. I was in the kitchen doing something. Eating probably. That's not really important though. Mr. Cob had the remote. Lukas wanted said remote. Lukas got up on all fours and got the remote. Mr. Cob started hollering at me. I didn't really believe him. He lies often. Little white lies. Just because I'm gullible. But lies. But not this time. Sure enough, Lukas repeated his new "trick" for mommy. And he repeated the crawling later that day for grandma and grandpa Swan over Skype. And my parents drove over the next morning under the pretense of going to brunch, but really they wanted to see it for themselves.

He now can't be stopped. This kid is on the move!

I've tried to get a good video, but he's camera shy and tends to stop the minute I get out the camera. This is as good as I can get for now. And oh, yeah, about 10 seconds in I moved the camera to film horizontally, but the video doesn't flip, so you have to watch it with your head tilted...yeah, sorry.

GUEST POST: Wake Up Call

2011-05-23T15:38:00.001-04:00

Cob here. Yes, it has been a long time. As you can see from Mrs. Swan’s various posts, and particularly the pictures, at the moment life is jam packed with… well, life. The little fellow is now 6 months old and counting. He has started crawling (Saturday) and is loving this walker that a co-worker gave us. In fact, last night he reached for his first electric cord so we all know that this week will be child safety week at the nest.

I could go on and on about how I am incredibly lucky to have the happiest kid on record,¹ but what I really want to talk about is sleep. Look, I am a deep sleeper and I am a late sleeper. In fact, I love to sleep. Maybe its because I am a bit of an insomniac and perhaps my love of sleep is based upon the fact that sleep is so hard for me to acquire that I treasure it more than the usual person. So maybe I don’t love it so much as need it, but whatever, that is not the point. I am a notorious sleeping inner. And the point is this there is nothing wrong with sleeping in. Period.

This is message (rant?) is directed to the youth readers really. I would ask you - do you like to sleeping?
Answer: Yes of course.
I would also ask that young person why you would be reading the musings of a late-20s couple and their child?
Answer: Ran out of other stuff on the internet.

Fair enough, but back to the point. Continue to sleep in. When your Mom and Dad, Grandpa and Grandma, brothers and sisters, friends and neighbors, aunts and uncles, cousins and nephews, dog and cat, or Belle and Sebastian, comment about how you are “sleeping the day away” or how you “sleep too much” or how you “must be sick” or call you “Rip Van Winkle,” kindly tell them to “stick it!” Why? Because in a decade, when you have a kid, you will never sleep in again. So tell them to let you get your sleeping in on when you are younger, while you can. And if they continue to give you grief, just tell them that you should probably just make a baby so you have a reason to get up early. (NOTE: if I had known this when I was 14, I would have bought 4 years of silence on the issue).

The adult readers know this: once you have a child, you are up when they are up. Sick? Too bad. Hung over? Next time just the one beer, now suck it up! Justin Timberlake hosting SNL? He isn't that good anyway.

In the case of Luke, up when he is up means 6:30 on a Saturday. This last Saturday is when I really took stock of the situation. I was at a coffee shop three minutes after it opened saying to myself “what the f*%# am I doing here?” and I realized that I will not be sleeping in for at least 25 years. Don’t get me wrong. Luke is amazing, even that early in the morning, and quite frankly he is happiest and cutest right when he wakes up. He is scooting around his crib and then he will stop and look up and see you watching him. Then he smiles showing off those two little teeth.

But still, as I waited for them to finish brewing my coffee, or wharever they were doing, I thought back to all the times I felt guilty or bad about sleeping in because of a comment made by someone close to me. That is when I said to myself (and everyone else in line) “what a bunch of bull.” Particularly from you older people who have had kids. You lived through this and yet you still gave me grief about it? You knew what was in store for me someday and you still commented? Jeez.

Well that is about it. Not really a very useful or insightful guest post. In fact, I might have offended my loved ones. If I did, just know that I am not trying to insult or belittle anyone. In fact, if you are mad, just let me know and I will help you see things from my perspective: I will call you next Saturday, and every Saturday after that when Lukas wakes up. Then we will be on the same page. Cool? Great.

And as for Lukas, since the internet will capture all knowledge and you will read this someday, just know that it is totally worth it and I am having a blast, even when you wake me up early. Also, get your own beer...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[1] It’s true, Luke has surpassed the famous Amos Chartrusian, of cookie fame, who was, up until last week, the happiest baby in the past 200 years (when they started keeping such records). Lukas eclipsed Amos’ single day record of 105 giggles, 45 guffaws, and 86 raspberries last Saturday with a startling 125 giggles, 53 guffaws and 248 (yes, 248) raspberries.

Walk This Way Baby

2011-05-20T10:30:00.000-04:00

I realize I've been totally MIA all month. It's been a big month. I've been living life rather than writing about it. I turned 30 this month. Lukas turned 6 months. I had my first Mother's Day. I went on my first girls getaway weekend since Lukas was born and spent my first night (two nights, actually) away from him. So you see, I've been busy. But I'm back to writing and will write some "real" posts soon. In the meantime, check out this video of my little man. He's just itching to be mobile...

Just shy of 6 months

2011-05-05T10:17:00.000-04:00

My baby will be six months old on Sunday. Ain't he cute?!

Go Me

2011-05-05T10:14:00.000-04:00

In other exciting news (wait, you have to have some exciting news to start a sentence like that, pretend I just said something exciting, um, kay?), my BMI is back in the "healthy weight" range and I am no longer classified as "overweight". I'm still not at my goal weight or even my pre-baby weight, but I'm close to the latter and slowly getting to the former. But for now I'll settle for being a "healthy weight".

My goal of not being the fat bridesmaid at the end of this month is looking good. Phew!

Why the Silence?

2011-04-29T09:51:00.000-04:00

It's been 14 days since I last posted. I think the last time I went this long without writing was when I knew I was pregnant but was hiding it from the rest of the world. No, I'm not knocked up again. I just haven't been in a writing mood. My Papa John isn't doing well. So I've been having a lot of family time lately. All my uncles and aunts on my mom's side have been in town on and off over the past week and a half, so on the bright side I've gotten to spend time with them. But then there's obviously the not so bright side looming above us all. It's hard to hug my grandpa goodbye each time I leave him, knowing it might be the last time he gives me a kiss and sweet smile. I'm tearing up now just thinking about it. And I can't help but be consumed with thinking about mortality and what is important in life. And I find myself hugging my family a little stronger than usual and holding on to Mr. Cob's hand a little tighter and rocking Lukas to sleep a little (or a lot) longer than "need be".

I know the next few weeks will have some more tears. But I also know there will be smiles mixed in. And laughs as the family comes together to celebrate Papa John's long, wonderful life. And it is definitely a life to be celebrated.

"B" is For...

2011-04-16T20:15:00.000-04:00

B words are funny. Apparently.

App Happy

2011-04-15T15:49:00.000-04:00

I'm obsessed with photography iphone apps. I am. Then again, I'm easily obsessed with things. It's usually a short-lived romance. I'm also easily distracted. So for the moment I'm loving all the things you can do to your photos with different apps. And if I knew how to use them properly I'm sure there are many more cool things I could do.

So here was my original photo:

Now here's the pic after using the "TOONPaint" App:

And then the Picture Effect Magic App:

And Instagram (maybe my favorite photo app):

And since Lukas' hair seems to be growing on the slow side, I thought this MakeOver app was fun:

And finally the Tap Tap Tap Camera+ App:

Which one is your favorite????

2 Parents, 2 Ways

2011-04-15T09:50:00.000-04:00

The little man's fruncles are in town visiting. What's a fruncle you ask? A fruncle is an honorary uncle. A close male friend of a child's parents. Friend-Uncle = Fruncle. Get it? I don't know who coined the phrase, either Mr. Cob or one of the fruncles, but regardless, some one said it and it stuck.

Mr. Cob's two best childhood friends are the two fruncles who are visiting right now. Mr. Cob has been looking forward to their visit for months. And now they're here. Today they are home brewing cherry beer while I go to work. They decided to keep the little man at home for the day rather than send him to school. I asked Mr. Cob if he was sure he could handle watching him, brewing beer and doing whatever else guys do. He reassured me that they'd be fine by telling me there were three of them, and one of Lukas, so not to worry.

My first thought was to worry. The fruncles are both single and kid-less. Neither of them have spent too much time around a baby, so I don't know how much help they'll be in the "taking care of baby" part. But Mr. Cob will be home all day. Mr. Cob is Lukas' father. So I shouldn't be concerned at all about Lukas spending the whole day in his daddy's care. But a small part of me is. And I realized its because Mr. Cob has not spent an entire day with Lukas alone yet. I guess I fear he doesn't know what to do with him. But he's a smart man and what he doesn't know, he can figure out.

If I'm really being honest, the problem is that I know they'll be fine, but I'm pretty sure Mr. Cob won't do things with Lukas the way that I would do them. And I need to be OK with that. I need to realize that Mr. Cob is Lukas' daddy and he loves Lukas just as much as I do. He will do what he thinks is best for him. And while his parenting style may be different than mine, that's OK. (And yes, you can have a "parenting style" with a 5 month old. Really, you can.) Lukas won't be harmed or worse off if he naps in his swing rather than in his crib. And his belly will be full whether he eats his cereal at 10am or 11:30am. Or if he doesn't eat cereal at all and just has milk.

I need to relinquish control and give Mr. Cob the opportunity to take care of him. I don't think I do this enough. For instance in the middle of the night if Mr. Cob goes downstairs to try to soothe Lukas back to sleep, I can't help but stare at the monitor and eventually go down there and "help". I'm sure this is frustrating to Mr. Cob. He doesn't even have the chance to succeed. I guess I always think that I'm right and that I know what is best. But in reality, I don't. I'm just guessing most of the time.

But today is different. Today Mr. Cob is on his own. I'm not there even if he does need or want my help. I'm forced to stay away by virtue of distance. I can't step in if I think Mr. Cob isn't doing something "my way". I know they'll be fine, but oh what I wouldn't give to be a fly on the wall!

Weight Weigh-in

2011-04-13T10:09:00.001-04:00

As I've mentioned many times before, I gained a "few" pounds when I was pregnant with Lukas. Maybe with my next pregnancy I'll be a cute pregnant girl, but this time I was just gigantic. I'm 5'4 and tipped the scales at over 200 pounds by the end. Yup, I was huge.

So in an effort to whittle down to my pre-baby body, I decided to join Weight Watchers back in the fall. You can read all about the ins and outs of WW on their website, but this is the gist: You are given a certain amount of points each day, plus a lump of "extra" points for the week and you earn even more points for your activity. All foods are given a point value based on the fat, protein, fiber and carbs in the food. So you can eat whatever you want, with the goal of not using more than you daily points. The extra points and activity points can be split up during the week or used all at once on a splurge meal (or wine drinking extravaganza for those of us who like wine...just keeping it real folks).

As a nursing mother, I'm not supposed to restrict my caloric intake or "diet" or I'll run the risk of having all the milk dry up. This wouldn't be good for my goal of nursing for a full year. Luckily, WW takes nursing into consideration when determining your point allotment for the day. For example, my friend at work on WW gets 29 points plus points a day and I get 43. So I'm not losing weight as fast as someone who is not nursing, but that's OK with me. Also, you are "supposed" to eat all your points each day so as not to deprive yourself, which isn't much of a problem for me.

I started WW in December, but didn't really commit to it until January. The decadent food during the holidays was too enticing to give up (and my mother-in-laws almond cookies - they're amazing and I ate like 15 a day. Yes, 15). On January 2nd I weighed 171.8 pounds (so for those of you counting, I lost over 30 pounds in the first two months after Lukas was born - 8 of those pounds was the baby and then there was the excess water, etc.). And now today, after 3 months of weight watchers, I'm down to 147.4 - that's 24.4 pounds since January. And it's not from working out. (Remember, I'm taking care of a baby and being a lawyer and wife, yada yada...and I'm not one of those wonder women who can do it all. If you are one of those people, I hate you. Just sayin.) WW really does help with portion control and making you aware of what you are eating. I religiously write down EVERYTHING that I eat on the website (I have the iphone app that makes tracking my food really easy). I now think about what I'm eating and consider whether or not its worth it.

I have about 20 more pounds until I reach my goal weight. But I have less than 10 pounds to lose until I hit my pre-baby weight, which is really exciting. I think I can get there in about two months, if not sooner since I committed to a workout routine this week. Lukas is now going down to bed around 8pm every night. So I have at least 2 hours before I turn in that I can work out, or if he has a good night, I can get up in the morning and jog. We have a treadmill, hand weights, a stability ball and lots of workout DVDs. So I have no excuse. And I'm really motivated with the summer coming and the fact that I'm in a friend's wedding in 6 weeks. I also would really like to be able to wear all the clothes in my closet again. I'm already in my old skirts (yay!), but the pants, although they do button, are just too tight. The stuffed sausage look is never in fashion.

So here's to losing the rest of the weight and getting fit. I'll keep you posted on how its going...

Lukas' Newest Friend

2011-04-12T13:14:00.002-04:00

Lukas and I spent the weekend with this sweet little lady:

Isn't she precious? She's the new baby girl of one of my best gals from law school. I loved getting to meet her and spend some time with her momma. As an added bonus my two other favorite law school ladies were there too. It's amazing what a relaxing weekend with your girlfriends can do for your soul. All the gabbing and relaxing were so exhausting that my little man decided to start sleeping through the night while we were away! Just another plus to a fantastic weekend.

I wish all my girls lived in the same city, but it just ain't so. But this makes our trips together more meaningful. And the next time we'll be together we'll be 3 bridesmaids and one stunning bride...in just about six short weeks!

Babbling boy

2011-04-10T20:20:00.002-04:00

A new bedtime routine???

Five Months Old

2011-04-08T12:14:00.001-04:00

My little man is 5 months old today! Time sure is flying. We don't go back to the doctor until the end of this month, so I don't have "proper" stats on him, but here's a brief highlight of what's going on with him:

L-U-K-A-S@5monthsold

Weight: roughly 15.5 pounds (he was at 15.2 like a week ago, so I'd guess he's at least gained 3/10 of a pound in a week, maybe? who knows)

Height: comes up to about his daddy's knee if "standing"- I don't know what this equates to in inches, but he seems tall for his age...

Head size: round and cute - everyone comments on how spherical his head is. I'll take this is a a good sign. Again, no clue how many inches it is

Drinks: maybe 30-40 ounces of breastmilk a day (we're averaging 3 5 ounce bottles at ~~daycare~~ school and then I nurse him 3-5 more times a day and so I can only guess how many ounces he gets per nursing), oh and he can hold his own bottle!

Eats: Yummy brown rice cereal mixed with breastmilk 2-3 times per day...and LOVING it.

Sleeps: 2-3 naps a day (he's a great napper, but is all over the place as far as time or lenght of nap, the only consistency is that he'll go down for a nap usually within an hour and a half of waking up); at night he's now sleeping GREAT (as of the past three days...three days is enough to create a pattern/trend, right?!? I may jinx myself here) - he goes down around 8pm and can now go until 3am - 5am without needing to eat again. If he wakes up in the middle of the night he eventually just dozes back to sleep. Last night I caught him staring at his ceiling around 3:30am - not crying or fussing, just staring - I think he sees dead people. )

Other stuf that only family will find interesting: He rolls from front to back and back to front. He loves tummy time and pretty much always rolls onto his stomach immediately if you lay him on his back. He loves to stand up either in his exersaucer, doorway jumper or just on mommy or daddy. He can lift himself up onto all fours and is good at scooting backwards, but not so much forwards. He seems very interested in the cat and dog - ~~grabing the dog's hair~~ petting Wrigley when she's close by and staring at the cat in awe. He's a very smiley guy and has a generally happy disposition.

Talks: We have a babbler on our hands and I swear that he said mama last night. I really think he did, although I fully admit he just muttered the sounds and had no clue that it had any significant meaning. So yea, I don't think that counts.

Teeth: two bottom middle teeth have popped through

Hair: not really existent - he does have a little fuzz, but we still can't tell what color it will be - my guess is light brown

Clothes: He's wearing size 6 months - he doesn't fill them out width wise, but he's almost busting through the seams lenght wise. He must follow after Mr. Cob's height!!!

So that's our little man right now. He is amazing and so lovable! Happy 5 month bday buddy!!!

Rice Cereal Plus BoobyMilk EQUALS Um, Um Good

2011-04-07T09:18:00.000-04:00

And I thought my kid wasn't ready to eat "real" food. Mark this one down in the book of Things Mommy Was Wrong About. (I'm sure it'll be a long, long book after a few years...I'm still waiting on the baby instruction manual to arrive in the mail.) It really shouldn't be shocking that Lukas is a food lover considering he is my son. And it's no secret to anyone who knows me that I love food. I can get especially ornery if I go too long without eating. I'd never make it as an anorexic. Binge eater, perhaps. Anorexic, never.

Ok, where was I? Oh yes, the kiddo. So we're on Day Six of eating rice cereal. He's now eating it at "school" in the morning with his first bottle and then at home for dinner. I'm planning on sticking with just rice cereal for another few days, mainly because I'm heading out of town this weekend with the babe and figure I shouldn't make any sudden dietary changes when an airplane is involved. An airplane pooping incident is not something I want to experience just yet, if ever. I'm thinking next week or the following week we'll add in some vegetables or maybe a different kind of cereal. And on the plus side, Lukas has slept great the past two nights - only waking up once to eat! I'm not sure if this can be attributed to the additional chow, but I'll take it, whatever it's from! (I think the worst of the teething, for now, is behind us - his two bottom teeth have cut through the gums now. If he would open his mouth long enough for me to take a picture I would, but it ain't happening.)

I did snap some pictures of him eating last night. The whale got the worst of it...

Blowing Bubbles

Mama, I might burst...too much cereal!

Contemplating the whole "spoon" thing.

MORE PLEASE!

Just Like My Mum

2011-04-05T22:44:00.002-04:00

A friend gave Lukas a book called "Just like my mum" and it's about a lion cub and his mum. It's one of my favorite books to read to Lukas. Mainly because, well, I'm his mum.

I snapped this pic of him napping last week. He naps just like his mum- on his back, both hands above his head. I've slept like this my whole life. It makes me smile when I see my little boy sleeping like this too. Everyone says he looks just like Mr. Cob, but have no fear, he has plenty of my quirks.

A few more "Firsts"

2011-04-04T21:21:00.000-04:00

We've had a few big "milestones" the past couple of days. Three, in fact.

The first occurred last Thursday night. Mr. Cob rarely has to travel for work, but last week he had to fly up to Philadelphia and cover two hearings for one of the partners in his firm. His first hearing was at 9:30am Friday morning, so he had to fly up Thursday night. Which meant Lukas and I would be here alone. Which meant I would have to spend the night alone with Luke for the first time. As I've mentioned before, I'm a little bit of a wimp when it comes to being by myself. I've gotten better the past couple of years, but I still am usually a nervous nelly when Mr. Cob is away and I get a horrible night sleep. So you can imagine how I felt the first night alone with Lukas would go. My sweet dad offered to come into the city and stay with us, but I decided I needed to be a big girl and stay alone with the babe. And to my surprise, I honestly didn't get scared once and slept the entire night (and by entire, I mean in 3-4 hour increments...my little man didn't magically sleep for 10 hours in a row). So milestone number 1 was more of a mommy milestone than a Lukas milestone.

The second milestone to occur has been in the works for a few weeks now and finally came to a head this weekend. Lukas' first pearly white tooth cut through the gums! (I am much more excited than he is about this.) His bottom middle two teeth are coming in, but so far only one of them has broken through. He's been drooling like a madman for weeks now and constantly has either his hand or some toy in his mouth to relieve the pressure. I think his gums are quite swollen and he's in some serious pain, but we're trying to manage it as best we can by switching between Tylenol, Ora-gel and as of today, homeopathic teething pellets (which seem to have worked better than anything). I'm hoping we get through the worst of it quickly. I do not like seeing my little man in pain.

And our third big milestone happened on Saturday. Lukas had his first taste of solid foods! After much internal debate, we decided to go ahead and feed him some organic brown rice cereal mixed with breast milk. He LOVED it and kept banging his hands on the high chair demanding more. I now feel silly for worrying so much about starting him on food. He ended up with about half of the cereal on his face and bib, but I think he did swallow a little cereal as well. We followed up with an encore performance Sunday morning and evening and again tonight, thickening the cereal a little each time. I had hoped that with this additional "substance" he might sleep longer at night, but so far no such luck. He's actually had the worst couple of sleep(less) nights the past three days, but I think that's due to the teething and a growth spurt. My plan is to stick with just the rice cereal for at least a week and then move on to some pureed veggies - perhaps he'll share in my love of sweet potatoes! And of course we snapped some pictures of this monumental event, which I'll upload soon...they're quite hilarious.

Spring To Do

2011-04-04T15:03:00.001-04:00

Mr. Cob is big on making lists. I think he likes having a clear cut plan of what needs to be done and then crossing off things as we go. We had a pretty big "to do" list before Lukas was born and managed to get just about everything accomplished. Well we have a new list. Mr Cob even asked that I publicly announce the list on the blog so as to hold us accountable. (Although, he should know by now that my public declarations do not make me any more likely to stick with something...for examples, refer to my new years resolutions and 30 books challenge - two public declarations to do something, two failures to follow through...)

Numero Uno on the Spring To Do List has been on the "Big Swan House List" since we moved in to our house over two years ago: Fence in the backyard. Mainly so Wrigley has a place to run free and isn't cooped up in her crate all day. As of Friday mid-afternoon, we are now the proud owners of a new wooden fence. It is awesome! Wrigley, however, has not yet realized that she's allowed to run free in said newly fenced in yard. We've "trained" her so well to just go down the stairs, do her thang, and come back in the house, that she is still following her trained behavior. Slowly I think she'll understand that the backyard is now her playground, for real.

So here's our new Spring To Do List:

Catch up on laundry - yes, the laundry had gotten so out of hand that this made it to the major to do list. I think we did about 7 loads over the weekend and still have roughly 5 to go.
Clean laundry room - See #1 for part of the reason the laundry room was out of control. The other problem is that our laundry room doubles as a linen closet, triples as the cat's "home base" and quadruples as our luggage storage closest. You'll be happy to know we got this under control this weekend.
Clean side of yard with air-conditioner - for lack of a better word, it looks kind of junky right now
Build or buy doghouse for Wrigley
Figure out lawn stuff - as in, our front lawn needs some help in the grass should be green department and our backyard needs some serious love
Fix door holes - Mr. Cob replaced the doorknobs in the guestroom, Lukas room, the downstairs bath and one other door a few months back. In doing so, he had to take out the really old hardware and it left holes in the doors that need to be filled in, sanded and then painted. Not a big task, but big enough that we keep putting it off.
Fix door jam in basement - we bought a rubber door bottom (and yes, that's its official name) for our door that needs to be attached and the wood around the door may need some tlc
Get two hose corrals - we've allowed our hoses to lay haphazardly in the yard, but no more. Problem solved this weekend.
Gravel under deck - I had grandiose plans to tile/brick/stone this area and add a table or something to this effect. Perhaps even a lower deck. This is a crazy idea that would cost too much money than its worth. But we do need to stop it from being the mud pit it currently is. Solution: gravel.
(long term to do): buy new chair for living room - we have this hand-me-down black leather chair that doesn't match the decor, so I bought a green slip cover for it which does match, but the slip cover doesn't stay put and the cat has ruined it and it's a huge eyesore that I'd like to replace
(long term to do): new end table for living room - again, we have a hand-me-down wooden end table whose top is somewhat warped and the lamp is never sitting even. It annoys me.
(long term to do): paint guest room/stair case/laundry room/office
(long term to do): remove pond - there's this old broken down pond next to our driveway that has got to go. It's not kid friendly, or dog friendly.
(long term to do): repave driveway - it's cracked and I want to expand it but feel like this is going to be expensive?
Move coffee table before Lukas starts crawling - it has sharp edges and is very not kid friendly
Organize Lukas' bookshelves - There is no organization going on with the bookshelves at the moment. It stresses me out to look at.
Organize office - Our office is a disaster right now. It needs major help. I'm not even sure where to begin, but my end goal is to have a designated place for mail to be opened, bills to be paid, etc.
Pick out paint color for basement and then paint said basement
Plan what to do, if anything, with dark area of basement
Power wash screened porch - DONE AS OF YESTERDAY
Power wash the back deck - DONE AS OF YESTERDAY
Rematch front beds
Steam clean Lukas room and upstairs and then eventually replace the carpet in both areas
Uproot front bushes - DONE AS OF YESTERDAY

So we're getting there, slowly. And once we knock all these items off the list, I'm sure there will be a new list ready to go... it's a vicious cycle.

Why You Should Blog

2011-03-31T13:13:00.000-04:00

You should start a blog. Seriously. Even if you think you have nothing to say, you do. And people will read it. We all need 5 minute breaks from work during our day. And lets be honest, people LOVE reading about other people and what goes on in their lives. It's the voyeurism fetish in all of us. And for some reason, I think we like reading more about people we don't stay in touch with than people we do. Perhaps because we don't need to read about the people we talk to on a regular basis. OH whatever, I read friends' blogs who I talk to on a weekly basis. I also stalk people on facebook. It's true.

I have a point. I promise.

Here is why you should start a blog: You will realize that whatever crazy thing you're going through, someone else is going through it too, and then you will let out a huge sigh of relief. Ahhhh.

Case and point (or is it "case in point"? No clue. I digress) - A friend whose baby was born a few days after Lukas emailed me yesterday and said she's having the same debate about starting her babe on foods. I now don't feel so silly for having this internal struggle. Apparently it's normal. Does that make me normal? Surely not.

So while you should start a blog, you should also comment on people's blogs. It will help their self esteem and sense of normalcy.

That's my advice for the day.

Little man Pics

2011-03-30T16:34:00.000-04:00

It's been a day or two since I've posted any Lukas pictures.

I feel like I'm depriving my readers of cuteness.

I know my mother-in-law at least loves the pics.

So Grandma Kae, these two are for you!